Can a long distance relationship work?

[Mackem92]

To cut a long story short, I'm from the North East of England and my current girlfriend is from the Warwickshire. I'm 20 and she is nearly 19.

We first started talking quite randomly on an IM site in about 2007, so we have been talking on and off for years really. I think she was always interested in me but certain factors (my young age and the fact she lives about 150 miles away) put me off.

However over the past 3 months or so we have grown especially close, culminating in me taking the plunge and driving down to meet her and her family about a fortnight ago. As soon as we met the chemistry was instant, I couldn't believe how at ease we were with each other, given that it was the first time we had met! We couldn't keep our hands off each and other and spent the weekend kissing, cuddling and having sex.

I've since seen her again and I have taken this friday off work so that I can go down and spend 3 days with her.

The only problem I have is that I yearn to see her every day and hold her in my arms, it kills me that I know I'm sometimes going to have to go weeks at a time without seeing her. My friends don't understand why we're committing to each other, they say I should find a girl closer to home to be with, the trouble is though we have fallen for each other and I don't want to be with anyone else.

Obviously I am still young and have my whole life ahead of me, I'm still trying to build a career for myself and my girlfriend is at University so doesn't have a steady income.

In a few years once she leaves Uni and (hopefully) gets a job in her chosen field I don't think I'd have any qualms about moving down to Warwickshire with her but plenty can change in 3 years.

Has anyone else managed to make a long distance relationship last?

That's very sweet!

The only long distance that I've done is when DH was abroad with the army for two 6 month stretches, but then we'd been together for a few years already so it's not quite the same.

Hope someone comes along with helpful advice for you!

It can work, as long as you both can deal with the separation. My concern here is that you "yearn to see her every day and hold her in my arms, it kills me that I know I'm sometimes going to have to go weeks at a time without seeing her"

This is not a nice way to live, always feeling like you want something you can't have. If you can also live independent lives and be happy while apart as well as enjoying each other's company when together then it can work.

I don't want to be too much of a wet blanket but I don't think it works particularly well at the age you're at. By spending all your free time travelling to be with each other you can neglect your other friends and narrow your social group in the process. There's the mild anxiety/obsession of being apart all week that you're already experiencing... constantly wondering what the other is up to and wasting a lot of time IM-ing etc. There's also the intense thrill of being together for short periods which is great, obviously, but can mean the experience is more like a holiday romance than a real nuts-and-bolts relationship. When you're finally together 24/7 it can be one hell of an anticlimax.

So now I've given you all the pitfalls to look out for... good luck :)

DH and I met when we were the same age as you. He lived in another country at the time. After 4 years we got married and 2 years after that he finished university in his home country and moved over here. We never had any problems...except for the large phone bills! We've been married for 12 years now.

We met on a blind date. I was 17, he was 18. We lived 40 miles apart so wrote to each other every day ( no emails in those days). We took it in turns to visit each other every weekend until I took courage in both hands at the age of 19, found a new job and moved into a shared flat with two student nurses nearer to him. After two more years of saving everything we could we managed to get the deposit together to buy our first home. We got married, I was 21, he was 22. Last week we celebrated our 36 th wedding anniversary. :). We had a plan though. We knew very early on that we wanted to be together so we planned everything to the nth. Having that plan made the wait worthwhile. It does work but you both have to be on the same page. Good luck!

Btw, he is a Mackem too! :)

I know someone in this position,dont want to out myself.
Are there any tips please,apart from the ones mentioned above.

I was in a LDR for 4 years - it ended for reasons other than the long-distanceness. I would agree with above posters that it is workable if (a) you both know that you want to be together, and (b) you have a 'plan' ie won't be long distance indefinitely. I would add that daily-ish contact is important, keeping in touch with everyday stuff as you would if you lived together - we used email for this, as long phone calls/skyping are just too time-consuming. Also, make sure you do plenty of humdrum hanging out ( going to supermarket etc) as well as exciting & romantic trips - you need to be sure you can get along in everyday life! Finally, when you do move in together, rent for a while before committing to buy. Good luck! Falling in love is very special - enjoy!

Thanks for the replies everyone.

And yeah Slugslasher big Sunderland fan, haha.

Merchant Navy wife and we've been together for over forty years. If she's the one for you, and you're the one for her, it'll work, don't worry. I'd rather be with the man I love, and be apart a lot of the time, than settle for second best.