desperate for another baby, dh won't

[calpol]

I have 2 children ds1 and dd2 and would love another (am now 37). My dh is adament that he doesn't, and is not going to change his mind. He found life after dd2 challenging and became mildly depressed for a while. He doesn't think our marriage will survive another baby. Its true our marriage isn't in great shape. But I'm not so sure that it will survive not having another one. What do I do with the feelnigs of resentment I have towards him, he's always known that I wanted 3 and we have discussed in vague terms previously about it happening. I'm too old to leave it for another few years.
I'm feeling gutted,anyone got any advice???

Its a tough one Calpol, but I would always say DON'T bring a baby into a marriage which 'isnt in great shape'.

I would say that you and DH definitely need to take steps to repair the cracks in your relationship BEFORE embarking on parenthood for the 3rd time.

As I'm sure everyone tells you, calpol, marriage is a compromise. You may need to give up dreams of having 3 to keep DH and ds1 and dd1 happy. You are lucky to have a boy and girl I'm in sort of an opposite situation. Am pregnant with dd2 (we have one girl already). I don't want another child, but DH wants a boy. I myself don't think that our marriage would survive another child, and we haven't even had our second!! I think you need to think and prioritize - isn't it more important to keep your existing family in tact rather than to have another child, but possibly destroy the family?

Hi Calpol,
Dh and I have DS twins now 5yo, and he has a DD of 9yo.
I realy would love another, have done for a long time now, but DH is dead against it. Our marriage is fine and we're very happy, with the family we have, I really don't want to rock the boat, but the feelings have not gone away, like I thought they would.
When people ask us if we are having anymore, I won't lie for him, I just say, I would love more but he doesn't.
Every once in a while, I make a tongue in cheek, comment about more babies, just to see if he has changed his mind, but I don't push it, I really don't want to lose what we have.
I think it's just one of those things you have to put up with !!!

I posted a thread exactly like this the other day. It is called 'Sad', and is on the conception forum. You are lucky to have two already, as I only have one, and want another, but I know how hard it is to feel the way you do. My dh feels the same way about our marriage as yours does, as ds is/was a very demanding child/baby, and I have to say that he could be right. Doesn't stop the urges though does it!

Let's be gutted together...

mistletoes, have just read your post and feel a bit sad for you. I hope your DH finds your actual DD, when she arrives, at least as rewarding as his hypothetical son would be, and that the 4 of you can be happy together without him feeling hard done by.

Sorry, calpol, this is your thread and I don't really have anything helpful for you. I do sympathise - I know that feeling of incompleteness - maybe you could work on your relationship for a bit, try the jokey comments jac34 mentioned now and again and see how that goes down. I know 37 feels old but you're really not too old for a few years yet. Good luck...

My dh doesn't react well to jokey comments. It makes him go the other way. With him, it is a discussion a few months before I actually want to do anything about it, to prepare his mind for the event! That is how I got married and how I managed to have ds. However, we will see in June if he has changed his mind at all.

Thanks everyone for your messages. Rationally of course i should just get over it but i'm with Chincilla with this one. I just feel gutted. I've been playing with my two all morning and thinking how nice it would be to have 3.
I do now have a rational plan , were gonig to go to counselling for a bit and then discuss again in a few months.
Good luck mistloetoes, thinknig of you