STBEXH giving me grief, what do you think?

[angelpinkcar]

Hi there all, have moved on from my last thread and told STBEXH to move out of the house, which he has. At first I was going to sell the house and move back to where I was 12months ago. I also was going to try and get DC's into their old school and I would go back to my old job. STBEXH was ok with all of that and saying how much he will give me for the DC's and hey lets get a divorce on line as its amicable, tbh I was quite shocked at his response which only led me to believe my gut instincts have been right all along that he is having an affair and I have made it easy for him by telling him to leave. I could not take any more of his mood swings, arguing about money and generally being miserable and making my life miserable. A week on and I have decided to stay in the house with the DC's and surprise surprise he doesn't like this idea as he is paying for everything. I think I need to go and get some legal advice now but I don't know really what to do. Lots of my friends and DP say stay, as its not fair on the DC's but will I be left up shit creek without a paddle??? Evertime I see him or speak to him its we are so and so overdrawn its getting worse, what are we doing with the house I wish he would just disappear in a puff of smoke lol. He is goin back to London to work tomorrow and said he may not be back for a while as he will be working overtime. I really don't care anymore. Need some advice where do I go from here.

For legal advice track down a solicitor in your area that specialises in family law. You can search your postcode via the Law Society website or get a recommendation from a friend. Many offer a free half hour consultation and that might be enough to take you forward. CAB can also be helpful with legal matters and they are free.

Have you looked into what benefits, if any, are available to you to supplement your income? www.turn2us.org.uk has a very good benefits checker facility, for example. Is it him that's overdrawn or would you be overdrawn by keeping the house on? If he can't afford to maintain the property, the children and you and still enjoy a reasonable standard of living elsewhere you may find that selling up is the best solution. If you can't afford to keep the house on without going into debt, ditto. But if you can find some extra income and be more independent you may be able to stay put after all.

Thank you for the advice. I have thought about it and selling up probably would be the best solution for a clean break anyway, pay off the debts we have and start again. Its the DC's I feel for, havign to move schools again in 12 months hopefully to their old school but still its a wrench .

I would say it's probably too soon to make any big decisions now, as it's like being on a rollercoaster and getting through each day intact is your priority right now. See the C.A.B. and see if you can get a free legal advice session and find out about benefits, but don't make any major decisions until you feel on more of an even keel.

Thank you cremeggthief, also very good advice, I do feel remarkably calm about it all especially as I instigated the split but he didn't fight me on it. I felt I had no choice as it wasn't getting any better and we were arguing more often then not so not good for the DC's. I feel as though I can breath again for the the first time in a long time and not walking on egg shells the whole time. It fees quite good in a funny sort of way. I just want to get on with it as feel a bit in limbo at the moment. I just don't want to leave here and regret it as its a fantastic place for the DC's to grow up.

Week 2 of splitting up with me instigating it as couldn't cope with STBEXH behaviour, still haven't found out my evidence but the acceptance of the split from H speaks volumes to me, or is he trying to call my bluff to see if I mean it???? I still stand by my decision but I am really worried about the future for me and the DC's. I really am concious of making the wrong decision and keep changing my mind whether I should stay or move back.... I really can't decide. I know I can't afford to stay where I am. Even with tax credits council tax reductions etc etc. private rents are really expensive and the council houses have long waiting lists if I sell my house. Help !!!!!