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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So sad...... bastard love rat!

15 replies

unionjack2012 · 16/10/2012 00:34

My DP whom I only see very occassionally has gone back to his wife who he was seperated from... "to see if he can make it work".
I know they argue constantly and it was only a week ago that he was saying he had not been happy with her since their last daughter was born and how he felt divorce was defo the way forward. She gets at him all the time and I've been privy to listening to the way she speaks to him over the phone - it's appalling!
I know he has been spooked by her recent threats and worries about her not letting him see the kids, but wtf is he doing? He can't stand her!

OP posts:

delilahlilah · 16/10/2012 00:39

are you actually serious...? If this is true, 1st off, he cheated on her and he wil cheat on you. Secondly, you should not be privy to anything, and hearing a phone call in no way makes you privy to his behaviour at other times. He could be telling you anything. He is married, with children... wtf are you doing?

mrscumberbatch · 16/10/2012 00:43

He sounds like a bawbag. Why would you want to be with a man that can cheat on his wife?

Original poster

unionjack2012 · 16/10/2012 00:43

He's separated. That makes a big difference! Don't understand where you get the bit about cheating????!!!!!

OP posts:

mrscumberbatch · 16/10/2012 00:45

Ok, sorry, how long was he seperated for?

Original poster

unionjack2012 · 16/10/2012 00:45

2 years

OP posts:

Dryjuice25 · 16/10/2012 00:48

He's chosen her over you. They have kids together.

I can see why he deserved to be spoken to like that.

You think he is a love rat...why do you want him then?

Do you have dcs with him too?

mrscumberbatch · 16/10/2012 00:50

And up until last week he was saying that he basically wasn't happy and was heading for divorce?

He can't have been telling the truth if he's went back so easily. It's tough, but true. If he really felt like he was so unhappy and that he couldn't stand her etc then there's no way he could have gone back to it. Which makes him a liar and a bit of a prick.

Why did you only see him occassionally?

LilQueenie · 16/10/2012 01:02

Why did you only see him occassionally?

my guess is he was stringing you both along. I would confront her.

Original poster

unionjack2012 · 16/10/2012 01:06

Blimey! Not the responses I thought I'd get!

He was unhappy for 6 years. Seperated for 2 years. I live miles away so we only get to see each other occassionally. I don't want marriage, kids or his money but I did fall for him. Is that a crime?

He wants divorce...... she suppossedly wanted it too, but yes, like you say, I don't know what is said between them when I'm not around (obviously).

Think current threats re his kids have made him go back and she has now realized that she doesn't like being by herself. I don't think she loves him, I just think she needs the security.

Point is..... ok, I'm hurting (hence stupid love rat comment) but I just wonder why men freak and head back to a shit relationship. Does this happen a lot when kids are involved?

OP posts:

LilQueenie · 16/10/2012 01:08

I think the same question can be asked about women why do they go back to similar relationships.

mrscumberbatch · 16/10/2012 01:10

I think it happens on here quite a lot yeah. Which is why whenever you see a post that has 'Man leaves wife and kids, man goes back to wife and kids...' it's like a tried and tested formula.

No crime to fall for plonkers, it happens to us all at some point!

Logically, if she was making threats re: the children then he should know that he'd have legal recourse and so her threats are tantamount to nothing.

There's no reason for him to have gone back other than he wanted to.

But don't worry about him and what's going on in his head. What would you like to do next?!

Feckbox · 16/10/2012 01:13

OP sorry You are hurting. I have seen this happen before.

A close male colleague had a nightmare of a relationship with a woman who was frankly nasty and unhinged. I saw her get off with another bloke ( a nationaly known celebrity )under his nose at a large function. She was bossy and hostile to him in public all the time.

He broke it off. She kidnapped his cat!

2 years later they got back together and have been married for 12 years!!! She still makes his life hell. I don't get it .

Maybe some people just feel comfortable with trauma?

Original poster

unionjack2012 · 16/10/2012 01:26

Thanks for the understanding Feckbox ! Maybe I should kidnap his rabbits ;) JOKE!

For me, I'll move on. I just feel like I've lost a fun friend who I had great (occasional) times with and that's sad. Like I previously said, I'm not wanting anything from him. His friendship was enough.

Just sad (in a way) that he has walked back into a war zone and think he is a fool, but there we go.... men hey?! I only ever saw his side of the coin and I guess when children are involved, it's another story...

OP posts:

Feckbox · 16/10/2012 01:34

Union you seem very sensible ! It hurts though, doesn't it? And you feel a bit used for all that sympathetic nodding you probably did when he used to tell you how dreadful she was.

About those rabbits....

Offred · 16/10/2012 07:17

To be honest I think you'll have to suck it up. Harsh on you because after 2 years separated they should have been further on than that still fighting stage. However clearly they haven't moved on from each other and I suppose you are collateral damage in that, whether they will be able to make it work or not can't be said but I think you should move on from him anyway, he hasn't respected you and you can do better.

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