Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

[mercury7]

's true Yoga, I mean you can just sort of change your mind and go off someone for no identifiable reason, one day you feel all 'swoony' about him wake up the next day and just feel 'yeah, whatever...'

[hatesponge]

I spent nearly 3 weeks after a first date texting someone who was allegedly ill. We arranged 2 dates in that time which he cancelled due to illness. And then one day I text him and he never replied.

He's still on the same site though, 5 months later.

[hatesponge]

I never get the opportunity to change my mind about men, they all change theirs about me first.

[mercury7]

just spare us the evolutionary psychology explanations please Bantam

[bantamrooster]

Okay, date #1. I was new to the OD thing. She seemed nice enough, only one picture on there, but a funny profile (and funny is what gets me interested). We emailed a few times, texted a few times, then we met up and, well I just didn't fancy her. Which seemed a shame because she was funny and smart. But there just wasn't chemistry. So, a drink, a meal, a kiss (on the cheek) goodnight, That was date #1

[OhWesternWind]

Got a bit of a confession to make - still haven't properly shagged the optician even when we had the all-nighter (although we had ahem an enjoyable time doing other things). So, we've had date 5, date 6 will be no sex either as there are children at mine and his mums coming to stay at his this week - so it could be some time. Is this lobbing the stick five fields away (thanks Bantam!)?? It will happen before too long, I'm not playing games with the poor bloke but it's difficult to get time, venue and everything else all to work out. Think I will suggest a daytime rendezvous during half term and send the children to kids club ....

[bantamrooster]

Date #2, not so close to home so I drove there, we had coffee and talked for a couple of hours, we got on well, but, well, this makes me seem shallow (and yes, yes I know you'll hate me) but I don't really fancy very large women. She'd described herself as 'curvy' and she was 'BBW' or something. So, no spark, and a little annoyed at the lie. I don't describe myself as being 6'2, I'm only 5'10, why describe yourself as something you're not when you're going to out yourself as a fibber so easily?

[bantamrooster]

western I apologise about the dog/stick metaphor. It's different for every one. Good guys will wait if there's a reason, some guys will make you wait (and there may not be a good reason). I think lobbing the stick was just my clumsy metaphor for holding out for no reason for too long when it seems like the right thing to do. I'm just inviting flames here, aren't I?

[snapespeare]

God, was I date #1.... Or potentially date #2??

[mercury7]

I think we really should get rid off the dog and stick metaphor pdq!!

[Yogagirl17]

sponge - your opinion is not moot, all just valuable experience to learn by!

bantam - if there's no spark there's no spark. If it is there then no amount of pre-date texting or emailing is going to leave you with nothing to talk about surely?

[hatesponge]

Men lie all the time on their profiles! Every date I've had has been shorter than claimed.

And the size thing is tricky. I am a 14-16. To some men I am average, some might describe me as curvy. I've also been called obese and fat. It's all in the perception. I can't bear the whole BBW thing and would never describe myself as that, but it's clear from my photos that I'm not a sz 8 - didn't she have photos from which her size was apparent? Or were her photos cropped and/or years old?

[ChaoticismyLife]

Ahem...curvy is in the eye of the beholder.

So far par for the course, go on.

[Yogagirl17]

I agree mercury - i think given the context, the stick metaphor could take on a life of its own otherwise!

[Yogagirl17]

Sorry to sound ignorant (for the second time today!) but what's BBW?

[bantamrooster]

ok, we'll drop the stick. Should I say squeaky bone instead?

[bantamrooster]

Big Beautiful Woman.

[snapespeare]

Big beautiful woman.

[snapespeare]

Fainites!!!!

[bantamrooster]

On to date #3. Nice but not my type, personality wise. Quite boring, no desire to see the world outside her village, coffee, pizza, awkward moment when I asked if she wanted to meet up again out of politeness more than anything else, whilst simultaneously kicking myself internally because I realised I didn't want to but felt like I should rather than just saying 'cheers then' and heading off. She also didn't want to meet again, so it made it easier.

[bantamrooster]

And yoga - I don't know about the amount of mailing beforehand. I mean, everyone has stories to tell, funny things to say, a background to describe, favourite bands/books/tv shows/films - all the stuff that lead to those 'me too!' moments when you're really connecting with someone. If you've talked about all this stuff beforehand, then what do you talk about when you're trying to work out if they fancy you. This could be what makes awkward silences on a first date which could be comfortable silences later one. And if you've been talking to multiple people online, how much is there a case of 'did I already tell you this?' when you meet in person. It's kind of a fine line to tread, again. Too much information versus not enough

[Yogagirl17]

Bantam - I guess when I get to the point where I'm sharing personal stuff (beyond the what bands/books/films do you like, what do you do for a living etc) I'm usually focusing on one person at that point, at least temporarily. Not saying that if I start telling them about my kids or other relationships or whatever that I've decided we're getting married or anything. I still stand by the 'if the spark is there there won't be any awkward silences' idea.

Anyway, I'm off to bed, will have to catch up on date no 4 tomorrow.

[bantamrooster]

yoga I see your point. I just think that a lot of it is about eyes. When you're on a date with someone, there's a lot of looking right into their eyes, they're looking back at you, you know there's some big chemistry going on here. If not, if it's just a conversation with someone, there's not the big long looks at someone. And when that's going on, you've got to have something to talk about, and the easiest stuff to talk about is books/films/the finest works of Andre Previn/whatever. If you're too busy trying to think of things to see which will make your date see how witty and smart and funny you are, you don't get to run your mouth on autopilot while trying to see if they fancy you. Maybe that's just me.

[hatesponge]

I've never really experienced awkward silences on dates. But then there's always seemed to be lots of chemistry - not that it really counted for anything at the end of the day. I suppose I think that if theres an attraction there, then unless you're both very reserved, conversation tends to flow, whatever the topic.

[EiePie]

Sex and OD! Sheesh, that's a humongous subject. Personally, I try to get to at least date 3 before doing 'the deed' if I really like someone. I know that sounds a bit contrived (and, of course, it doesn't always work!) and even go so far as not to carry out de-forestation of the legs etc to deter myself. For me, if I've got as far as date 3, I am a bit more certain about whether that elusive 'spark' is there. I've recently had two dates that were overly sexual on the first date. No. 1 was clearly pissed off that he didn't get past first base on the first date - and more or less said that he was looking for someone more 'tactile'. Really!? We were in a parked car, in a residential street with very bright street lights and.....and.....people walking past the car! (Now I've written that, the word 'dogging' comes to mind....hmmmm?) It was a shame as we'd got on so well and I was thinking that it may have been the start of something. The second one (I've just seen he's winked at me again on Match! Sheesh!) was a little too 'hands on' but also (apart from the 'Octopus Syndrome') seemed to be a possibility. We'd had a really lovely meal in the Jamie Oliver restaurant, endless chat, eye contact etc). Fended him off sufficiently NOT to get arrested in Cambridge town centre and came home with hopeful thoughts. The message he sent me the next day, however, was full of the graphic details what he had enjoyed doing with me/to me the previous night! Well, sorry Mr Telecom, it was NOT me you were doing those things with! (I may have imbibed one or two lemon sherbets but I would have remembered THAT!). And so, cue my OD theme tune - "Another One Bites The Dust"!

Now off to chase that elusive thing that is sleep. Night all. x