Keeping the house

[CheeseAndJamSandwich]

Am at my wits' end with (D)P, seriously considering ending things and wondering where I'd stand financially. We have a house, bought in both our names. DP is the main earner so pays the lion's share of the mortgage, but the deposit (which as we haven't had the house very long constitutes most of the equity in it IYGWIM) was a gift from my parents. I really want, if possible, to stay in the house with DS (and our two cats!) and am just trying to figure out how I might do this (I only work part-time (in a not particularly well-paid job) so that I can be at home with DS, who is not yet in school, at least some of the time). Has anybody in a situation like this managed to stay in their family home without making major lifestyle changes?

P.S. I don't think DP would fight me for his share of the house, because he'd want continuity and stability for DS, and my parents couldn't help me with the mortgage payments (nor would I want them to).

Could you rent out a room to cover the shortfall?

Well, if you both own a house, which you're paying for with one-and-a-half incomes, and then one of the incomes moves out and has to fund its own accommodation, I don't see how you can get away without major lifestyle changes one way or the other. Something's gotta give.

DP would need to pay some support because of DS so that may help.

Would suggest doing a detailed budget to show total income and then all fixed outgoings (Mortgage, utility bills etc). This will outline what the shortfall is and then you can think about if you can realistically cover this with something like renting a room as suggested above.

That's certainly one option I could try if I got desperate, but it wouldn't be my first choice. I'm not very tidy and, as DP is always telling me, "difficult to live with" - I don't think anybody'd want to come and live with me! Also we live in a quiet village in the middle of nowhere and I can't see young, single professionals wanting to come and live here. And I'd have to be so careful picking somebody because of DS.

Annie, you may very well be right. I'm just thinking it through and trying to figure out what my options are.

I think you need some legal advice about the property. You say you don't think your DP would fight you for a share but, when the chips are down, it's amazing how a few quid changes people. If the deposit was your personal contribution and is almost all the equity do you have that documented somewhere?

It is perfectly possible that he won't put up a fuss and will hand over the keys. That happened to me. However, because my salary didn't quite meet the requirements of the mortgage lender I was only able to convert the mortgage and deeds to my sole name, with my DM acting as guarantor. If he remains a joint owner of the property and contributes towards the mortgage, that will have to be legally set down so that, when you come to sell the property at some stage, he receives a fair share.

I think you might have to go down the road of full time job, nursery, tax credits, etc, to prove that you are able to pay the mortgage on your own.

You might get housing benefit and tax credits as a single parent, look into that, as well.

What would be a reasonable amount of support to ask my DP for?

I've looked into it solid - I would get tax credits but not housing benefit if I stay in my own house, and both if I move into rented accomodation.

Oh dear, check out that incorrect spelling of accommodation. Oops!

If you check out the CSA site they have a calculator to help you work out what would be a reasonable amount of maintenance for children based on his disposable income. Obviously, that would be reduced by what he needs to find himself somewhere to live etc.

Thank you Cognito. I've done that and now have a rough idea of what I could ask for. It would definitely help.

have you spoken to dp? is he going to leave and go to rented place willingly? how will it work out with the dc? will it be equal time with both parents?

as not maried then trusts of land act dictates who gets what share but under chidlrens act you could have his share to house dc until he finishes full time educaiotn - but that might depend on you being able to take on mortgage etc

it will get complicated and you need good advice.
and you need to know your dp's intentions now - tho as was pointed otu tehy could change - his willingness to move out now and support financically etc could change down the line... you need to think how to become totally independent financially in the long term

No, I don't want to talk to DP until I know exactly how I'd support myself, and I haven't totally made up my mind to leave yet.

I think it's a really good idea to be able to support yourself whichever decision you make if at all possible. I know with children and for a host of other reasons this isn't always possible but when you feel financially trapped it's harder to think clearly and make choices about a relationship. If at all possible, perhaps you could think about what DP does/doesn't do that you feel make your relationship difficult, and also if there is anything you could do to improve things and talk to him about it. I really hope it all works out for you and your dc. Good luck OP.

I don't know...I think we might be at the end of the road. He doesn't seem to be prepared to make the effort needed to improve things.

You may be entitled to get the interest on your mortgage paid via income support. They wont pay it all obviously but will help towards interest at bank if england rate. Not sure if you are eligible as you work part time but may be worth looking into. I only kniw as i have been looking into my own position with regards to this.

Btw i found the best people to speak to were gingerbread as they knew exactly what i would be entitled to etc. Have a look on their website you can email them or phone, their advisors were brilliant :)

Thank you very much madthings, I've done that and there is loads of helpful information on there. For example, info about mortgage rescue schemes, where you sell your house to a housing association and rent it from them - I'd never heard of this, and it could be a way I can stay in the house (and I'd have a secure tenancy and still be able to decorate the way I wanted to and have cats...it'd be better than moving into private rented accommodation that's for sure).

yes they are great arent they!

also you will be eligible for single rate council tax and can also apply for council tax benefit on top of that. i discovered it was more doable than i thought it was, not easy but certainly doable, good luck :)