Please tell me your stories...starting again from (almost) scratch

[readyinfiveminutes]

At halfway through my life, I am having to start all over again. I don't want to go into much detail because that's not the point of my post. Just to say that many aspects of my old life - many of my relationships, my career, how I used to spend my time -were destructive. I have had to face up to this and get rid.

I have got to be brave and man (woman) up. I think if I heard stories from other people, about having to start all over again, with all the familiar things gone, that would help me. I don't know anyone in my immediate life in my situation.

Are you a journalist? Sorry, but to give no personal information at all and ask others to tell their stories - when they can't really know what you are talking about because you have given nothing away - seems a bit off.

Oh god, no, not at all. Sorry, in retrospect I can see why my post might be read like that.

I didn't want to give too much away about what actually happened because there might be a temptation for people to say 'Is that all you've been through - well grow a pair'.

It's also quite difficult to give a 'shopping list' of traumatic things.

Briefly, I have lost some people who were very important to me. I have lost my job and had a breakdown. I have a chronic illness which has made everyday life difficult with pain etc. These things have changed how I see myself and other people - I feel as if I have had a layer of skin removed and can see things much more clearly, which is good, but also bad, as it has cut me adrift from old associations. I don't want to hang out with people I used to.

I really don't want to give more detail than this, because that's not what I am posting for. I want some hope that when everything feels broken, other people have rebuilt their lives again.

If people don't feel able to reply, that's ok, one can only try.

I've had some experience of this, can't write more just now as at work but marking place to return.

A huge amount for you to deal with by the sound of it.

How to start again? IME it takes time to find a different path and is very much one step at a time. For me it has been about living a life of integrity and doing things that make me and others feel good. Worrying less about trying to keep everyone else happy.

You want reassurance that it will be possible for you to rebuild a life, with new people and new activities and new behaviour and priorities on your side?

Yes, it is possible. At any stage in life.

But it will take time, and a lot of hard work.

I went through a series of traumas about 2 years ago which also included cutting off people who had been the largest fixture in my life and a breakdown once I was able to "see" myself and others more clearly, with denial stripped away. And it was the greatest pain I've ever experienced.

BUT the pain is not permanent, and I have been able to rebuild a new life with new friends and new self-belief. By taking the time to heal, while also putting in place the foundations of a new life (in my case: working on my self-esteem, learning new behaviours that are not destructive like the old ones, and putting myself out there socially.) A lot of it will be trial and error: you're not going to get your perfect new life instantaneously. But if you have in mind what your goal is, your actions will take you there bit by bit.

Good luck. You'll get there.

I went through similar - complete life change almost overnight. The resulting identity crisis was hard. If I'm not what I always have been, who the fuck am I?

The advice above is pretty much what I was going to suggest, as well as focusing on practical steps to building your new life. I decided to return to study and start volunteering as a more healthy way to mix with others, perhaps you could think of a couple of positive things to make a start on?

I started again nearly two years ago, it takes quite a long time to feel 'yourself' again I think. Not really sure what else you want to hear but hope this helps.