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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Loosing bestfriend and probably lost dp because I am 'too moody'

46 replies

MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 19:59

For weeks now best friend has been asking me if I am ok as i'm 'off with her and seem different' I dont have a problem and didnt even realise I was ' being weird'

and today..dp said I'm always moody and its like walking on egg shells and asked me what was wrong, I assured him nothing was wrong and apologised but he said he still thinks there is a problem and went quiet...awkward silence and one word answers for rest of afternoon. We then went to shop, in silence, and after 20 mins or walking round in silence I snapped and walked away....out the shop and home.

What the frig is wrong with me? I love dp and where we are going and best friend is amazing too so why am I unknowingly acting like this?

I really need some help as we havnt spoken since and I dont know what to do...

OP posts:
Nici177 · 13/10/2012 20:04

Seems strange to me, I normally know when I'm 'being off' with someone, even when I don't consciously mean to be. How long have you been with DP? Have any other friends me tinned anything? Has anything happened that could cause you to be in a down mood? I could be waaaaaaay off the mark, but could there be anything going on between them? I've seen a similar situation develop with a friend in the past.

Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:08

Thank you for answering, No I am 100% sure nothing is going on between them, she has just got married and I trust them both completely. I've been with dp 10 months but known him almost 5 years.

OP posts:
nananaps · 13/10/2012 20:12

Do you think that you have been off or moody?
Has any one else commented on this?

Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:12

Sorry to come accross so blunt, I'm trying very hard not to start bawling my eyes out so was just trying to state whats happened...

OP posts:
Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:15

Well. I only actually have the one friend so no one else has mentioned it! And a few times I've said a few larey(sp) comments but nothing nasty or harsh

OP posts:
Whocansay · 13/10/2012 20:18

I'm afraid my first thought was that they're at it together and have a guilty conscience!

Have you been preoccupied with something else in your life recently, that could give the appearance of you being off?

You could always try the "X has told me everything" route and see what response you get?

I'm feeling very cynical today. I'm sure someone more helpful with a less suspicious mind will be along shortly.

I hope all goes well, OP.

izzyizin · 13/10/2012 20:21

Have you been 'moody' or 'changeable' lately? Have you been preoccupied with something, had some pressing matters on your mind?

Do you feel generally happy and as if everything is going swimmingly or do you feel you're 'up and down'?

duffedup · 13/10/2012 20:27

you say you only have the one friend. do you have form for pushing people away in the past, it could be this "offness" that you don't recognise is a symptom of this. my sister does this she is horrible to people a lot and doesn't even know she is doing it or believes she is justified in doing it. I think it is a self worth thing. or as others say they could be shagging like rabbits and are felling guilty. but the only have one friend thing made me wonder.

Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:39

I used to have friends before ds, but they all slowly disappeared during pregnancy and being a new mum. And being a lp I dont really get out to meet new people. I met dp at work

I'm starting to think maybe I'm just a bitch.. In which case how would I fix it??

Again I'm sure they are not up to no good so I really dont think it is that

OP posts:
Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:44

And what can I say to dp to sort things?

OP posts:
booki · 13/10/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duffedup · 13/10/2012 20:51

i really dont know if you say you are not doing anything to be off but two people close to you in your life say you are then you should take notice of that because unless you have surrounded yourself with really hateful people that want to being you down they are saying it for a reason, I suppose the best thing to do would be to start with asking what exactly it is your doing it might be a bit hard to listen to but try not to get defensive and then figure out a way to work on it. see if you can see anything that is causing it or perhaps it is just thoughtlessness on your part and something you need to work on. nothing is unfixable if you are willing to work on it.

booki · 13/10/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booki · 13/10/2012 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MeriouslySessedUp · 13/10/2012 20:58

lp is lone parent and I doubt its post natal as he is almost 3!

I dont think I have ever felt so low in my life as I do right now though

OP posts:
Donkeysdontridebicycles · 14/10/2012 00:21

Keep posting OP there's already some helpful advice ^^ from wise posters. I am sorry you feel so demoralised.

Why not try asking dp for clarification. You seem quick to seize on the idea of being a bitch has someone told you that before? I don't see the point in apologising for being moody if you're not aware of being so. None of us is perfect though and if two of the closest people in your life make the same observation, give it some thought but don't brood alone.

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2012 00:49

Hmm I'm another one thinking there's a connection between the two of them.

OP, you would KNOW if you'd been off with either of them. The fact both of them are saying you are different with them seems to indicate a connection between them rather than a change in the way you have been.

The fact she's recently got married means nothing, really.

Now have a really good think about things. Think about times in the past when you've been pissed off with someone - think about the signals you gave off. Then think about the way you've been with them - was your behaviour similar in any way? If not, some sort of mind game is going on.

likeatonneofbricks · 14/10/2012 00:53

OP, I'm interested in the thread as I often get the vibe (from strangers mainly) that I've said something in the wrong tone, or didn't look happy with them or something. it's mainly due to me being impatient by nature and slightly off-hand as a result, especially if I'm tired or sad about something, but I never mean it badly (to nice people). If I notice this I try to over-compensate and be extra nice, if I like them, which helps a little. It upsets me that people are over-sensitive, and sometimes actually mirror your expression instead of being positive in response - I could have a dozen of things on my mind that make me not so cheery-looking but people tend to take it personally. Maybe it applies to you? This applies less to relatives and friends who know me and know that I'm the over-sensitive one. Your friend tbh should know you better, maybe you are just lost in your thoughts and not being talkative.
Interested to hear advice too, is it really important to have a 'mask' of good mood at all times, rather than be yourself? It doesn't bother me personally if someone is a bit moody as far as they are not downright rude or agressive.

likeatonneofbricks · 14/10/2012 00:59

fwiw I really don't think anything is going on between them OP, what an odd way to cover-up something untoward. I think that they are the only people who would openly tell you that you aer moody, but maybe many others notice but not in a position to comment, or just don't care enoughg to notice.

Bogeyface · 14/10/2012 01:02

Sorry but my first thought was that they are at it with each other too :(

i trusted my H completely. didnt stop him fucking his ex when I was pg :(

You are sure that you aren't acting any different, so why not trust that and wonder why 2 people who have never had a problem with you and your personality before, are saying this?

Bogeyface · 14/10/2012 01:04

likea maybe they are not trying to cover something up, but are both, seperately, trying to justify something by finding fault with the OP.

This has happened to me, I could write the script if you like?

likeatonneofbricks · 14/10/2012 01:12

Bogey, yes I know it CAN happen, but the fact OP's friend just got married makes it very unlikely imo. Also OP sounds extremely sure, she could probably list all the reasons (like the friend is ttc with her new H or something). I think it's stemming from lack of socialising in case of OP - she maybe spend a lot of time on her own and sort of used to drift off and not be so mindful of how she comes across, I know I'm like if I haven't been social for a few days. Somehow once you do socialise more you aer much more aware of how you come across.

likeatonneofbricks · 14/10/2012 01:13

spends

Bogeyface · 14/10/2012 01:19

Like my and H had been married 2 months when he started shagging her. An ex-friend was having an affair with her DH's stepbrother before and after she married her DH. It happens more than you think. Infact, getting married can often be the catalyst, it was for H. The thought of being a proper settled married man freaked him out, so he had the affair almost just to prove he could. Pathetic, but true :(

garlicbutty · 14/10/2012 02:32

I'd ask each of them to be specific. How does your friend feel you've changed? Examples? Things you would/wouldn't have done before you 'changed'? What have you said & done that she feels is off? Show your concern, ask for clarification. She owes it to you after saying all that. Same with DP: walking on eggshells? How come? Have you been flying off the handle, criticising him a lot more, putting him down, what??

It's just not okay to say, basically, "You used to be lovely now you're crap" without some specifics.

The fact that they did makes me think there's something else going on, too, I'm afraid. But let's not leap to conclusions - get the feedback, then see whether there's any sense in it!