Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

do you think you have let yourself go?

39 replies

howelsabout · 12/10/2012 21:00

i was just reading another thread and this answer kept popping up!

this was one of the reasons why me and exdp split he kept saying i let myself go after having dcs (i don't think i look that bad only gone up one dress size)

so do you or your dp/dh think you have?

OP posts:

N0tinmylife · 13/10/2012 13:59

I never had anything much to let go. On my first date with DH I had to drag him down to the stables to help me get the horses in half way through, so I suspect I spent the second half of it smelling of horse. Our first weekend away together was camping to a place where the showers didn't work. Somehow he still fell in love with me. I don't think I've changed too much since then, apart from a few more wrinkles and the odd grey hair though. Neither has he really. He is not the best looking man in the world, but as someone said up thread, it is a very subjective thing!

bbface · 13/10/2012 14:05

Yes, always very well groomed. In fact, Pre children, when I was earning a good salary, I was ridiculously well groomed! when I think about the preparation before I would meet my husband the early days of our dating... Unbelievable! For exame, He once commented he loved my soft skin, so I would apply about three layers of moisturiser on and then a body oil, because i wanted my skin to be as soft and smooth as humanly possible. No way do I go to those lengths now.

I wouldn't describe our marriage as blissful, but a happy marriage for certain. We have had our humdingers, but what gets us through is neither holds a grudge for more than about an hour. So arguments may erupt but fizzle out very quickly indeed.

The desire for me to look well groomed is not just for me, I would say it is about fifty fifty. Half of it is for me, wanting to feel good, and the other half is wanting to look good very specifically for my husband.

A good sex life is such a wonderful part of a marriage. And I like looking and my husband and feeling turned on, and vice versa, he likes looking at me. Plus, I feel a whole lot sexier when I am well groomed!

chickydoo · 13/10/2012 14:15

It is harder as you get older to keep it all together. When you are in your 20's & 30's your metabolism is naturally a bit faster, you use more energy so it is in theory easier to loose weight. Most people under 40 don't have too much grey hair or too many wrinkles, & in general younger kids are much cheaper to provide for than teenagers, so again in theory you might have a bit more cash for yourself under 40.
Over 40.... Dear God (I'm 45) it is a struggle to keep weight stable. I've always been slim 5ft 7 & 8 stone 7lbs. My weight distribution has changed & now I have fat bits where I didn't before. It is very hard to maintain my weight. I exercise every day just to try & keep vaguely toned.
I have to dye my hair. I get hormonal acne with the lines & wrinkles, & the teenagers want all my spare cash. I feel guilty if I but a new outfit.
Have I let myself go? No not yet!! But it is so tempting just to say sod it! I can't be arsed any more. I don't know why I try so hard DH has certainly let himself go a bit.
People say to me I am lucky I look so slim, fit & well turned out, I want to shout at them and say there is no luck in it at all! Just bloody hard work.

CuriousMama · 13/10/2012 14:49

That's good then bbface. I agree re:arguing, we rarely argue and if we do make up really quickly. I hate an atmosphere. Plus making up is great and good for the skin

People say I look in mid 30s or younger yet I'm 44. I don't see what they see but hey ho? I don't have wrinkles but that's genes not grooming. And no grey hairs yet. But I am probably 1.5 stone overweight and a size 14 at 5 foot 8. I'd say that could be seen as letting myself go but I do keep fit with dancing and long walks.

I agree OP that your dp's excuse is pathetic and nothing to do with love. You're well shot!

CuriousMama · 13/10/2012 14:51

chickydoo you're so right with the cash thing, dss are 12 and 15 and growing by the day! I'm always buying them new clothes and shoes. Luckily they're not designer freaks.

bbface · 13/10/2012 14:51

Chicky... I am same height as you and little lighter, but only 31. Your post has scared the live hell out of me!!!!!!

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 13/10/2012 14:54

Well im thinner now and my boobs are bigger. But then I used to wear suits, heels, full make up and hair to work, and right now im wearing combats and a my little pony tshirt, hair in a ponytail and no make up...

So... Hmm... Part yes, part no :)

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 13/10/2012 14:55

My face looks better now with two young kids than it did working in recruitment!!

Original poster

howelsabout · 14/10/2012 14:34

some great answers and yes i do think that if you love someone it shouldn't matter what they look like but then on the other hand that is not what your dp was first attracted to!

ex was and still is a designer freak and buys new clothes every week whilst me on the other hand have to buy cheap stuff as i have dcs to clothe and feed and he didn't understand that of course there was more to us splitting up than what i looked like i still wore make-up did my hair purfume etc...it was just the weight thing with him.
as i've lost two stone and am fitting back into most of my old clothes he seems to be wanting me back and that will not be happening anytime soon ha!

OP posts:

CuriousMama · 14/10/2012 14:41

Phew, was worried there he was back on the scene, stick to your guns! He's so shallow why would anyone?

Original poster

howelsabout · 14/10/2012 14:56

don't worry curious never going to happen

OP posts:

travailtotravel · 14/10/2012 15:30

I am growing in girth instead of growing as a person, and that is what bothers me much much more than letting go of the belt buckle.

nananaps · 14/10/2012 15:36

Yeah, we both have, me and DH.

We are getting old & fat together....i HATE it though.

I feel disgusting.

I keep thinking about when i have had this baby, getting the weight off and sorting myself out.

Its been a tough and difficult last 10 years, my appearance has come bottom of the pile.

Now things are on the up, i am planning sorting it out.

BadLad · 14/10/2012 16:02

I have in the past - in my late 20's I put up a couple of kilos every year, which wasn't a lot, but then, aged 31, it had mounted up and was very noticeable. Cue a strict diet for a year, and then eating carefully after that so as to avoid the rebound.

I don't pay much attention to clothes now - have a few nice shirts and ties, but usually wear faded T-shirts and shorts or casual trousers that my friends say even Swampy would consider too casual.

Flip

1 2