angry!

[lilybird]

last night.we had another terrible nights sleep with dd, at 10.30 she was sat up in bed crying but wouldn't let me near so i went back to bed to leave her to calm down. dh then goes into her (obviously pissed off that the niose has woken him) but she is still upset,he then shouts at me 'how could you leave her like this' this goes on for a few minutes then dd calms down when i give her a cuddle & off to bed we go.
dh is still ranting, but then says, 'you should be ashamed of yourself letting dd's sleeping get this bad, it's been like this for 3 years'
'your always in a bad mood,and i bet you'd wished you'd never had her!'
this has really upset me, i have been to see hv on a number of occasions but she doesn't have a magic wand.
anyway this morning, he did apologise but i still feel soo angry he could say those things.

it is awlasy so difficult when you have had bad sleep. YOu are both exhausted. Calmly have a chat with hm about how he has made you feel. And try to work together on this.

Have you got startigies to encourage her to slepp?

Agree with beetroot - DH and I have both said things in the middle of the night that we shouldn't have.

However he does seem to be putting all the impetetus on you rather than seeing it as a joint responsibility. Does he never get up to her?

he doesn't really get up with her night, she won't have him at all only wants me at night, (great) but i partly blame him as he's always left it upto me to get up.
i know i'm a pain to live with i do suffer from depression & lack of sleep doesn't help, but if i said half the things that he said,he would have left along time ago!
i did come home earlier with a big bunch of flowers!

lilybird , sounds just like us. Kids have never been great sleepers, when they wake they just want me, like you I wonder if this is because DH has only done it half a dozen times in the last 4 years.

I too suffer from depression and for me sleep deprivation is a major contributing factor of this . but what can you do?

The other week DH finally said if they wake make sure I get up with them, you need rest , thing was, his idea of getting up was not being able to calm ds2 (18m)who then woke ds1 (4yrs) so both were screaming nicely, after just a couple of mins DH started swearing at them, telling them how good they had it and shut the room to their door and got back into bed leaving them both hysterical. So guess who sorted it out?

things came to a head last nite, kept dd up an hour later,and she was so grumpy and awkward i ended up shouting at her, dh came storming in, saying i should be ashamed, it was my idea to keep her up so i should put with her.
he put her to bed,until she asked for me to read her a story.
dh didn't speak to me all night, i said he'd had enough and that was that.
i went to bed without having any tea (he was making us a lovely tea too)
dd woke up at 12.00 screaming her head off, ended up with us both shouting at her.
feel so shit, in work today but can't stop crying.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY HEY!

DOnt beat yourself up lilybird everyone loses it wiht their kids but it sounds like youa re all in a bit of a pattern of behaviour and this needs breaking.

Try to put her to bed calmly today. I dont know how old she is but I have a wonderful meditation tape for kids as young as four up to 10. It really calms them down. Discuss using another strategy with dh. When she sleeps what is different about ehr going to sleep or the nights she does do you feed her any earlier or anything? If she has never slept then again it is a pattern whihc needs breaking and you ened to think of creative ways in which you can break the pattern.

As for your dh maybe talking isnt the way forward. Perhaps again you both need to do something different. Go to bed in a different way, spend time doing an activity you dont normally do. Think about when you get on what is different from now (apart from sleep that is). Certainly I wouldnt indulge in the you said this I said that argument or in a who is the right argument it wont help try and think of practical solutions.

lilybird how are you feeling now/.

came home from work very upset had dinner & dh sent me to bed for an hour, feel less weepy.
dh says we can sort it out & knows i've been snappy due to tiredness.
we need help with dd's sleeping but don't know where to go.

If you have the money millpond are the clinic they use on the telly programmes www.millpond.co.uk I think. I've not used them but it came close after a row over ds sleeping came to threats of divorce. It honestly isn't just you. Alternatively does your local NHS offer a sleep clinic?

lilybird that sounds very positive. What is the problem with sleeping?

you'll be gald to know we had a better night's sleep, she only woke twice and slept til 6.30! i kept waking up & had trouble getting back off but feel loads better today.
i think she suffers from dreams/nightmares. last night an hour after going to bed she was crying & shouting in her sleep. don't really know what the answer is. might see how tonight goes if it's bad go & see hv (again)
also going to give sticker chart another go.