Relationship with DH since baby born

[Marie12]

Since my baby was born 10 months ago all my husband and I seem to do is argue over who has the hardest life - me SAHM (until June)or him, working full time! It is a major issue between us and causes arguments most days. Whenever we try and discuss it we end up arguing - e.g. 'I am really tired, yeah so am I, I have had to go out to work all day and face people...' When I return to work i will beworking 3 days a week and so juggling home life and work life and I just know that all he will say then is that my life is easier becasue I am only working 3 days a week! (He has already said it!)

Sounds petty I know, but it is really coming between us now and I don't know what to do. Have got no support here so we rarely go out together as a couple (nearest family 70 miles away) and no friends to rely on. Our DS is a really good baby and sleeps through all night from 6.30/7 for 12 hours so we have our evenings together but all we ever do is slump in front of the tv! Don't feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger about it e.g. health visitor....

Any advice? thoughts?

Let him, Marie12. And sooner, rather than later, cos I guarantee things are not going to just sort themselves out when you go back to work, it may be even more difficult than it is now.

You shouldn't have to feel grateful that occasionally he cooks dinner and on Mothers Day he changed a few nappies. Trust me, I work (outside the home) AND do the cooking AND making the bottles, and I am certainly not the only one!

Making the mental switch from worker to parent and back does take some getting used to, and may be harder in general for blokes because they do tend to be more single-task than multi-task people. However, he needs to recognise that he is a parent as much as you are, and being a parent means not getting to come home and slob out on the sofa after work (unless I am doing something wrong here!)

I quite agree with the others, though, that you need to talk it through calmly, but a day with him in charge of ds will make your point quite succinctly I feel. I can assure you, working is a absolute doddle compared with looking after a baby all day.

I totally agree with all the PPs. We had exactly this problem when I was on maternity leave - DH saying he was 'too tired' to even change a nappy when I had been on the go all day. I thought naively things would sort themselves when I started back at work full-time, but it's still an issue and I still do more. Nip it in the bud if you can!!!

(and enjoy it when you go back to work. Having a cup of tea on your own... luxury!!)

Wish I could go PT but hubby doesn't earn enough to make that possible :(

Good luck!

My dh says he is grateful when monday comes around and he's got work to hide in. He adores dd beyond all human proportions but finds the life of a SAHD exhausting and soul destroying. He recognises that my life is hard work but has still commented sometimes "What the hell did you DO all day?" which riles me and when dd is not sleeping well we often score points about who's got it harder. Sad.