Have namechanged for this, don't know why, maybe embarrassment.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have been with DP for 4 years. We had about a year on and off at the start, due to his commitment issues but once we fully decided to be together, it was amazing.
About 18 months ago I had a MMC which I took quite hard but as DP is not great about talking about feelings and just wanted to move on, we didn't discuss it much. I got a lot of support on here instead. I needed to get away and my parents took me on holiday, DP couldn't come but said he was happy for me to go. He has since said that he realised then that I didn't put him first and that we weren't in a proper relationship and he started turning his feelings off. He never told me this and 6 months later we discussed and agreed to start trying for a baby and I got PG a couple of months later.
About 3 months into the pg I discovered lots of texts and emails to a girl he works with, he denied anything going on but after checking his phone regularly (which he was furious about) I basically found out that he was having an emotional affair with this girl. He finished it and changed jobs and agreed to be committed to me.
Since then we have gone through endless periods of being good for a couple of days and then him deciding that it's not going to work out. This does seem to be influenced by his drinking. He drinks at least a couple of beers every night and binge drinks till 3 or 4 in the morning at least 3 times a week. He's encouraged by 2 single friends who, of course, want a wing man.
2 weeks ago he phoned me at 3 in the morning, ranting that I wasn't letting him be himself, that he doesn't want to be with me and doesn't love me. He has said this a few times but only under the influence of drink. I spoke to his Mum who asked if he had a drinking problem as she and his brother were worried about him. She spoke to him over the weekend and his brother came down and it seemed to have an effect. He told me that he was going to cut down his drinking, which he did, and although he didn't have hope for us he was willing to see what happened when the baby arrived.
We had a good week and he treated me like he should have throughout the pregnancy. He had a big weekend of drinking because his brother was down, but was not angry or nasty to me and I thought he was managing things better. On Sunday we built a chest of drawers for the baby so I could get things organised and this seems to have sent him into a spin. He's accused me of being controlling (and even referred to the new domestic abuse guidelines) and not accepting that it's over. He says I don't care about his happiness and if I did I would have let us break up ages ago. I have tried to convince him to stay together, because I love him and want us to be a family, but he could have gone at any time. He claims not because I'm pregnant. He says his feelings are now entrenched and he doesn't think they can change.
I have agreed with him and said I'll stay here until I give birth (really want to go to the lovely birth centre that I'm booked into) and for his 2 weeks paternity leave and then I'll move home.
I just can't believe it's over though. I can't help but think this is a massive reaction to the commitment of having a baby and is influenced by his drinking. He feels like the single life is appealing at the moment but surely it's just a grass is greener mentality. Do you think there's any chance his feelings might change once the baby comes? He loves kids and is excited about the baby. I know you'll say I'm fooling myself but things were so good for so long and I just don't know how I'm going to cope as a lone parent. Has anyone else been in this situation and it's worked out?