Long weekend in beautiful hotel room, no kids, just bathrobes

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

with your dh/dp
Appealing?
Or sound like a nightmare?

oh I don't know
I'm just not that into him at the moment

I don't know whether it's him or sex itself
I'm not feeling affectionate

I would like both the country walks, massage/spa option and the pretty local pubs selling a really good ale - and oodles of sex.

Mostly, though, I'd like the chance to talk to my husband, uninterrupted by meals, chores, children, dogs, phones or someone at the door ... and to watch the news and talk politics and read blogs and exchange links and ponder the world together. God, that sounds so lovely. We could talk about things in a way that didn't involve stopping halfway through an intelligent debate to add "oh, DS broke the TV remote, by the way." ... [swoons at the thought]

That would be so reminiscent of the heady days of our early romance that I'd probably just want to do that, plus all the sex, of course.

God this sounds so so so good. I wonder if I can persuade my Mum to fly 3000 miles just to be in charge of the house for a long weekend?

Sounds like something that DH and I could only dream about.

Are you OK, king?

FWIW if me and DH did something like that I'd want to spend at least some of the time lying round chatting. If you did that first do you think it could reconnect you?

I dont really know if I'm ok.
He just doesn't really interest me anymore, in any way

Over the years he's said and done some things that I can't forget

Had relationship counselling and now we're both on ad's, so was giving it sone time
I'm due some individual counselling which will help hopefully.
I just feel nothing

Was the hotel stay his idea? Is it already booked?

Leave out DP and I'd love it

I'd love to stay in a hotel in my bathrobe and order room service. I'd take long baths and watch movies. Maybe have a massage. But sad to say I'd rather do it on my own without DH!

It's not booked, he just suggested it, and inside I was thinking "no thanks"
Its made me start thinking about why I feel like that
I'm trying to spend less time with him, not more
We dont seem to gave much to talk about, he talks about work a lot, and I dont have much to tell him, usually some stuff that ds has done
There's no fun, or laughs, we go out for dinner and it seems like it's just chitchat.

When you first got together, what made you feel loved? Him listening to you properly? Thoughtful gifts? Arranging an activity you would enjoy? Anything else you can think of? You'd be better to spend precious time and money on something that has the best chance of improving your relationship than on a "standard" night away.

ha ha did this for my 40th...disaster.... DH took a laptop, hotel had neither pool nore gym ( the only prerequisites I had for the hotel) but did have a massive wedding raging through the night!!! Husband, whose job it is to book hotels, ( oh yes, so you think he wld get it right) played computer games, I went for dinner, argued with DH for not "taking part" .... slept badly and had a lie in til 5am. At 5am we woke to raging wedding guests congoeing down the halls ....... I thought this was very funny DH got in a strop (??!) ... hmmmmm I think this is telling me something..... HOWEVER... your trip sounds amazing - go and have a brilliant time and if they congoe down your hall ignore the bitching husband and join them at it!!!

I wouldn't have been interested with ex.
I'd love to spend a weekend in bed with DP.

If your relationship is not on an even keel, it's not a great idea really.

Exactly what Beckamaw said

Me and the exh had a week away as a last ditch attempt to save things. I hated it. All it did was confirm we could be vague friends but nothing more. I left as soon as I could afterwards.

But I'd have loved it in either of the relationships I've been in since and have recently done exactly that with current bf. We are doing it again in a couple of weeks too and I can't wait.

If your relationship was right, you'd kick a puppy to go on a weekend like that.

If you're not happy, it's ok to leave him.

We have this booked for one night in November. Last time we went away he didn't speak to me for two days. I keep trying but I'm not sure i can be bothered anymore...

I'm not too proud to admit that every time I've done this - with long- or short-term partners - it's gone a bit pear-shaped. Too much pressure to have lots of great sex.

Having said that, I adore hotels! Can I have the weekend without the DP? Or with a DP who's at least as interested in the hotel's facilities as in mine?

OP, sounds like this is a run before you can walk kind of thing. I wouldn't presume to know whether you're ever going to "walk" again together, but launching into a caricature sexy weekend will probably fail as a shortcut :(
Does he know how lethargic you feel about your relationship in general? Would you say the counselling was constructive for you?

Snatch, I don't know how I felt loved
I think the difference is that back then when he said he loved me, I believed him
Now when he says he loves me, I just think of all the things he has done and said, that can't be taken back, and I just don't believe him

Binks, yes, I think that's it exactly, anyone in a good relationship would look forward to it, not dread it

Ivanta_ why didn't he talk to you?

garlicbutty- the counselling was all about him, I had to fight to turn it round to me, and how I felt. He doesn't know how I feel about the sex, although, it's obvious that my sex drive isn't what it is. But we are both very tired, so that's usually the excuse

I think we are fooling ourselves, I don't think it's fixable

I have anti-depressants from the GP, for anxiety and mild depression , I am wondering what effect they are having, I thought they made you happier, I just seem to feel really flat

King, so sorry to read this.

The anti-Ds may well be helping to kill your libido (as well as the depression hampering any ability to absorb affection), but even so, it doesn't sound good.

The problem with the kind of weekend away your DH has suggested would be, for me, the 'performance anxiety' that whole kind of set up would evoke in me. The best thing is time away to enjoy yourselves without preconditions or difficult expectations. If sex is a pressure point in the marriage then a weekend away for the sole purpose of sex is just more pressure.

DH and I once left DC1 with my parents for a night to go to a wedding. We both sort of assumed it would be a dirty weekend, but were relieved when each of us admitted we were tired and felt pressured.

If you go away, it would probably work best with sex off the agenda and just to try and bond, rest, and have a good time.

the counselling was all about him

Oh dear. No wonder you're not exactly falling over yourself to indulge his jolly bathrobe fantasy. Sounds like you're overdue some worthwhile respect (from yourself, as it doesn't seem to be coming from elsewhere).

ADs take the edge off everything so, yes, they do leave you feeling rather flat. It takes a little getting used to, especially if you've been living on an adrenalin rollercoaster for some time. Therapist framed this as levelling the ground for my 'journey'. As long as your meds aren't making you more unhappy, they'll be providing you with mental space to figure out your situation and get enough clarity to choose your way forward. Do you think this thread could be the start of that?

I hope so :)

On 1st january of every year, we get our diaries out and book for 3 long weekends per year where we go to lovely hotels in the UK or Europe. Last year was le Manoir, Number 52 in Cheltenham, and next month a mystery location in Europe.

We love doing it and are lucky that ds is grown up now. Previously my parents would have him.

In theory it's great but when me & DH did it everything went a bit pear shaped. We checked in at the hotel envisioning non stop shagging for 2 days and ended up sleeping, eating and sightseeing instead... Oh, and more sleeping..
The bed and no chance of children piling in with us in the morning was too tempting!

we did this last weekend, was awesome.

Sounds great but in reality I would probably spend the entire time stressing about the DCs not that we have anyone who would look after them.