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What the hell do I do now?

34 replies

dancethenightaway · 09/10/2012 19:52

Regular MNer NC.

Went to counselling with DH and he says he's leaving he is nasty when drunk, he was vile last Thursday when I told the counsellor he said he was going to leave.
Now he wont speak to me when I asked if hes going tomorrow while Im at work he said he hasnt decided yet, Im devastated.
Dont think hes got another woman but he might I suppose I cant afford to keep our rented house on my own.
I don't know where to turn I feel sick.

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olgaga · 11/10/2012 10:46

Dance don't feel stupid! People don't tend to know what to say...!

The important thing is you and your DC are safe. Everything else - possessions etc, is just detail which will be tidied up eventually. When you get to the refuge you'll get help with housing etc.

Let us know how you get on.

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kinkyfuckery · 11/10/2012 22:02

Good on you for making that move, that's the hardest step!

How are things tonight? Have you heard from the refuge yet? Does your H know where you are staying? Has he tried to contact you at all?

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dancethenightaway · 12/10/2012 06:05

woke up at 4.30, couldn't get back to sleep. Happily he hasn't tried to contact me except to reply to the email I sent him about finances on Weds.
We are not in a refuge yet even though we were assured there would be a place for us on Thurs we rang and there wasn't one. The local housing dept offered us a place in a b&b but we stayed the night with friends instead. Hopefully there will be a refuge place for us tonight, me & DC could do with somewhere to rest our heads.
At work on Thurs they were brilliant,something like this makes you realise how kind people are.
My DC is uncomplainingly going with all of it,the irregular meals and beds and the chaos.
Everyone says I've done the right thing and although I am upset there is not an ounce of me that wants to get back with him. As the dust settles in my mind I realise how properly disturbed he is, I like being away and I like being me again.
If you have any inclination to post a reply to this nonsense then please do. Your comments are helping to get me through.

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Flimflammery · 12/10/2012 06:16

You know you've done the right thing. If you ever doubt it, just look at your precious beautiful child and remember them saying they're scared.

This is the first day (or night) of the rest of your life! Well done for taking this first step.

All the best
x

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Squeegle · 12/10/2012 06:33

Well done, your post made me well up a bit- you have so done the right thing, it can be hard to believe in yourself when you are walking on eggshells and being told how rubbish you are.

You are on the right track- welcome to liberty for you and your DC.

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brighterfuture · 12/10/2012 06:46

Well done for having the courage to get away. When he realises you have really gone he will get all contrite and want you back. By taking action you have dissempowered him and it sounds like he's used to having most of the power in the relationship.
Don't be persuaded even if it seems like an easier option for you to go back to the home you've been forced to leave . Don't believe him whatever he promises, he will still be a drinker who gets violent. Stay strong, things will get brighter for you and your dc good luck.

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dancethenightaway · 12/10/2012 08:53

I don't care how contrite he is! Sometimes I get angry but I don't need to wish him ill. He will drink too much and suffer for it and put himself through 1000 shades of hell whereas I will keep getting better every day.
His family have closed ranks around him but that's what family do,he's there problem now. Yay.

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dancethenightaway · 12/10/2012 23:56

I've had an abysmal day.
Still not in a Refuge.
The good news is I still don't want him back but I would like a home.
Anyone got any better good news?

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mantlepiece · 13/10/2012 03:30

Sorry to hear you have not got a refuge place sorted out.

Do they think you can sort yourself out and are not in danger?

Maybe you need to tell them that you are very afraid not only for you and DC but for your friend too if he finds out where you are.

Do you think he could turn up at friends house or at your place of work?

I have no knowledge of how a refuge operates but can you go to work from them? If your ex followed you there from your work it could put other women at risk etc.

Am just wondering why they are delaying placing you. You need to find out the reasons and try to find a solution as you and your DC need to be in a place of safety. Good luck.