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Original poster

What to do? Advice appreciated

16 replies

amIparanoid · 24/03/2006 14:02

Mil (who I get on brilliantly with btw) called dp this morning to tell him that she had had a call at home from his xp (first love, major heartbreak, depression getting over her) who is in town. She lives abroad and he has had little or no contact with her even by post in the last 5 years. She knows nothing about me or our dd as far as I know. He told me immediately and said it would be nice to see her for a drink 'if that is alright with me' or maybe she could come to the house Shock. Am I being ridiculous if I say I am really not comfortable with this? I feel like I'm being stupid and have told him how I feel but that it really isn't up to me if he sees her. Could be to do with the fact that she is a beauty and I feel fat and foul as I have just had a baby. Feel really weird about it - it's not even that I don't trust him as that doesn't come into it... ramble, ramble, ramble. Don't know what to do!

OP posts:
starlover · 24/03/2006 14:04

i would tell your dp how you feel... and see what he says.

but in all honesty i don't think i would mind. invite her over for a cup of tea.... don't feel fat or foul feel happy that YOU are the one he chose and YOU are the one who has his kids...
show them off! rub it in her face!

starlover · 24/03/2006 14:05

should add, we had dp's ex to STAY with us for a night a while back! it was fine.. though i think she did feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation!

Mazzystar · 24/03/2006 14:05

honey, he chose to have a child with YOU.

he's suggested that she come to the house, so you can meet her. i don't think you ahve any reason to be worried. it might be great to meet her, and then you'd realise how well you measure up.

noddyholder · 24/03/2006 14:10

Think rub it in her face is a bit strong!If you feel uncomfortable with this just say no and tell him why He loves you and will reassure you if he knows how you feel xx

Marie12 · 25/03/2006 09:53

I would wonder why she wants to see him after all this time, if it was me....

Marie12 · 25/03/2006 09:54

Sorry, didn't mean to make you paranoid, that is just the way my brain works!

eminencegrise · 25/03/2006 10:02

We met up w/my ex-h and his new wife whilst they were travelling through town. Although, the circumstances were a bit different, since we split very amicably due to his not wanting kids and are both happily remarried.

If it were something like she dumped him and he was heartbroken and all that jazz yeah I'd sort of wonder why she wanted to see him.

TaiTai · 25/03/2006 11:09

I'd feel very uncomfortable with this because (a) it's been 5 years!! why the sudden interest? (b) I don't know exactly how long ago you had a baby, but you say "just" so you're probably still raging with hormones and adjusting to parenthood, and when I was feeling like that (i.e. vulnerable) I certainly wouldn't have been emotionally stable and 'adult' enough to let dh go out for a drhink with his stunning ex or have her round the house; it would have niggled me and I'd have probably ended up causing a big row.

So no, I don't think you're being ridiculous. I would say how you feel and that you'd prefer him not to see her after all this time but obviously it was up to him. You have a right to state a preference, just not maybe a right to 'forbid' him from going. Oh, and I wouldn't mention her being a beauty and you feeling fat - keep that to yourself. Smile

franke · 25/03/2006 11:15

I would just say that he should go and have a drink with her if he wants. You don't really have interest in meeting her - she was his friend after all, not yours. The only thing you would have in common is your dp and that doesn't mean you have to be bosom buddies with her. That's how I would handle it anyway Smile

TaiTai · 25/03/2006 11:18

I on the other hand would rather have her over to the house than let them go out on their own. But I'm the jealous type Blush. I reckon if your dh invited her over to the house to meet his new family she might well turn down the invitiation. Hmm, maybe that's your way out? Wink

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/03/2006 11:20

I wonder why your MIL felt the need to pass on the message.

Original poster
amIparanoid · 25/03/2006 14:11

Well - update is he has gone to meet her for a drink this afternoon but is going to invite her back to meet his family afterwards. I explained my feelings and he said that I was being daft - it was 15 years ago and he is glad what happened happened, as looking back he can see what a spoilt brat she was. Thank you for all your responses - glad to see that I'm not being a total possessive witch Grin. I know he's not going to run off with her - it's not even that!!! I think she is just in town and wanted to say hello! Weird if you ask me... I will fill you in on what she is like - I'm hoping that she has aged dramatically and put on at least 4 stone - it would only be fair!!!!! After all I'm balding postnatally and my tits have gone south!!!!

OP posts:
bluejelly · 25/03/2006 21:35

Only just read this, you weren't being paranoid but am sure she would be incredibly jealous of your set up anyway-- god I know I would be if my ex had a baby with someone else! how did it go anyhow?

TaiTai · 26/03/2006 02:16

Hi, glad you spoke to your dp about it. I didn't realise he and the ex went out 15 years ago!! Does put it into perspective. Let us know how it went..

Original poster
amIparanoid · 26/03/2006 10:54

Well!!! She came back to the house and not to put too fine a point on it - she has not aged as well as me Grin what a cow I am!!! It gave me great satisfaction to look at the way that she has wrinkled up since the pictures were taken!!!!
No - she was actually quite nice. A major career woman who changes jobs every 5 minutes (work that one out!), no kids ('I have no patience with children') and as far as I know, no man.
Oh well - such is life! She came across as quite high maintenance - apparently she always was and dp's friends couldn't stand her when they were together but didn't dare tell him cos he thought the sun shone out of her (now aging and wrinkled) arse!!!! I am officially a b*h and not paranoid cos mumsnetters have told me so! Fantastic! I can change my nickname back again now and noone will ever know!

OP posts:
bluejelly · 26/03/2006 22:21

That's what you call a result! What a relief....

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