We have been having 'problems' for a while. Mainly because I have woken up from my stupor of anxiety and depression and realised than a lot of my self esteem issues stem from how he treats/disregards me. Life has been very difficult over the last few years for a variety of reasons and he has seen fit to blame me for all of them as if he has been straitjacketed and could do nothing about it. Truth is he has left everything to me (including decision making) because he has been too lazy to think for himself.
His uncle died this morning. He has seen this uncle a handful of times over the last 20 years although he only lives an hour away. Myself and the Dcs have only met him once. He was not at our wedding nor did he ever come to visit us. H has paid him the odd visit alone. He knew his uncle was ill but has'nt visited over the last few months as he has been 'too busy'.
H got the news at lunchtime. We had made plans to take the Dcs out for a rare treat after lunch. He decided that he immediately had to go to his uncle's family to pay his respects. I asked him to go this evening as there is 'no rush is there'. He went to visit family straight after work last night and did not come home until midnight after leaving at 8.00am. He normally works until 9/10pm anyway so I really wanted someone else here today to take the load off (4 Dcs).
He erupted that it is because I can't cope on my own that he had'nt been to visit his uncle before he died so blames me and called me those names because I have ruined his life 
.
I am seriously thinking of double bolting the door and not letting him back in. Views please?
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H just called me a 'fucking bastard cunt' and a 'mother fucking bitch' in front of DCs.
IAmNotAFuckingBastardCunt · 07/10/2012 13:39
If someone locked you out from your own home, surely it would be an undertstandable reaction to get upset and angry, especially if you have children in tow, or have just had a family bereavement.
Leaving the first paragraph aside, where OP, you say he is sapping the life out of you, only you would know what has gone on, and if you think its appropriate then you should leave him. We dont know how you have been treating your husband, I suspect that the abusive behaviour goes both ways. It is terrible that your husband uses language like that - does he often use language like that or do you think it was an exception due to the family bereavement?
Lastly I think you sound very cold and uncaring about a family member who has passed away. This is death remember, he wont see them again, and its not your call as to how much he loves that "uncle". Give him a break. I know you wanted the load off this evening, but this really is an exception, so maybe he is allowed a day off to grieve?
You almost sound when you say that he gets upset when one of his family members dies. Err hello? You dont really mean to sound that callous do you?
I hope none of that has come over too harsh because I dont think its right what he said, and I dont know your previous history. But the events how you have handled his upset at the bereavement shows a lack of empathy.
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