ex staying too long at pick ups

[downday]

my ex husband picks up my children on the weekends and a day during the week, and on pick up and dropping them off, he takes ages putting whatever stuff they had away, getting them organised (despite me having everything ready) and generally saying hello. this would be fine but we are not on good terms and i think he is doing it on purpose - i have told him lots of times that i want him just to come, pick them up, drop them off and thats it, no more. and every single time he comes he asks to go to the loo - he does a number 2 every single time and it leaves the worst smell ever, and this is the only time i get to have a bath and its really starting to pee me off. i know this sounds really trivial - but its upsetting, and we had an argument this morning because i said 'can you not go in your own house' and he said i was 'denying him the right to go to the toilet!'
the thing is he lives ten minutes away! surely he can go in his own house? i do not mind - but it is every single time.

am i being really unreasonable? in some ways, i think i am. but in another light, he should just be respecting me and literally coming to deal with the children and being on his way. please someone put me in my place and tell me to get over this. im left on my own again today upset because of the interactions we had over pick up.

[downday]

I think u misunderstood he did not want to leave, and did not have an affair. I asked him to leave

[skyebluesapphire]

yes, many many apologies for that... have been posting on a couple of other threads and one name is quite similar. I can only apologise repeatedly and go and bash my head against the wall. I will report my post and ask for it to be removed

[cestlavielife]

downday, i would try and think what would work at xmas for you and propose it now so he has time to consider and couner propose...you could try setting up a mediation session tho if he anything like my ex mediation is quite pointless as you cannot get to the facts and practical stuff only lots of whinging...

presume you established now a set routine of sorts? ie which day/times etc?

so is question of how that works in school holidays.... and the aprtiucalr issue that can be xmas day

[downday]

sky no need to apologise and no need to get the post removed, its fine :)

thats a good plan cest last thing i need is a lot of stress over whats happening around christmas

[solidgoldbrass]

To all those of you dealing with knobbish XPs, send them an email 'Because of your unpleasant behaviour and lack of respect for me, you are no longer allowed in my home and all contact between us is going to be via email only and purely for the purposes of making arrangments regarding children and finance. I do not want and will not respond to any other contact from you.'
And then just ignore the men apart from the necessary minimum. They'll either stop being quite so knobbish as they won't be getting the reaction they want, or if they become more aggressive, you can involve the police. But don't just put up with it. ANd don't expect them to improve, they are incapable of improving their behaviour because they simply don't consider you to be human beings.

[Lovingfreedom]

SGB although I agree with the sentiment of what you're saying, telling him that the reasons are due to unpleasant behaviour and lack of respect is still saying too much IMO. It's letting him know that he's getting to you, and that is still empowering him and giving him the opportunity to come back with explanations of why he's not unpleasant or how much he really does respect you, or how touchy/moody/unreasonable you are or whatever.

It's only when you completely take out any emotion or reaction that they will sit up and realise that it's not worth trying to bully or upset you any more.
Don't give any explanations - you are only willing to communicate through email...and you don't want him coming into your house (or whatever)....end of.

[ivykaty44]

opportunity to come back with explanations of why he's not unpleasant or how much he really does respect you, or how touchy/moody/unreasonable you are or whatever.

don't then engage - they can text all they like with explination as why the moon is made of cheese - but you don't have to engage with this nonsense and they will soon get fed up and give up the texting.

As for texts being used in court - I really doubt it as you are on oath so no need to have text messages etc