GIVE your dad a break. What he feels for this woman doesn't diminish the love he had with your mum.
After six lonely years, he's just decided it's time to embrace the new opportunities life has to offer, to laugh and have sex again.
Our capacity for sexual intimacy is with us our entire lives.
Try to accept that his desire for love and companionship is a normal part of life, and his life is far from over.
You may feel embarrassed by the sensuousness of their relationship but if you think about your dad as a lively, energetic person who also happens to be your parent, you may begin to understand his feelings are normal and healthy.
THE SON SHINES..
Dear Miriam,
MY mother-in-law acts as if I don't exist.
For her birthday, she wanted a DVD which was hard to find. I looked around the shops and finally struck lucky on the internet. But she phoned my husband to thank her for making her day. I didn't get a mention.
She must have known I did all the donkey work. Her other son's wife gets the same cold shoulder but it doesn't bother her as much.
I don't want a fight but neither am I prepared to fade into the background.
Miriam says...
YOUR mother-in- law only has eyes for her precious sons and, by deliberately ignoring their wives, she can still pretend she has them all to herself. You have to pity her for feeling so insecure she has to resort to childish behaviour.
Try not to complain about her unfair behaviour to your husband as this may put him in the impossible position of taking sides.
And try to ignore her displays of wishing you weren't in her world. Take a leaf out of your sister-in-law's book and pretend they're not happening. At least you have an ally in her.
KINKY POSER
Dear Miriam,
MY partner has suddenly started asking for kinky sex. He was never very adventurous before and it's been a surprise when he's asked for certain things, but mostly it's been fun.
There's just a little niggle in my mind. Where did he get all these new ideas?
He recently started a new job and goes on lads' nights out with his new colleagues. Do you think they put him up to it? Or are they going to lap-dancing clubs or something worse?
Miriam says...
I'M more worried about your words "mostly it's been fun" than where your husband's been getting his inspiration from.
If he's expecting you to do anything which makes you uncomfortable, this is just not on and you have every right to refuse.
Sex should be safe, sane and consensual. A little imagination, communication and trust is what's required for red-hot sex.
If there's something he wants to try and you're apprehensive, tell him. At the very least, start slowly, build up to it and make sure you're both totally at ease.
LADS WILL LEER AT MY POP BABE
Dear Miriam,
MY girlfriend has always wanted to be in a band. She plays guitar and many people thinks she looks like Britney Spears.
Now she and a bunch of her girlfriends have formed a group and are arranging gigs in clubs and pubs.
But I don't like the thought of her on stage in front of a crowd of lecherous blokes. How can I persuade her to forget about the band? We're both 18.
Miriam says...
DON'T even try because you'll lose her for sure. As she's so pretty, men will notice her whether she's on stage or not.
If your relationship is solid, there are no grounds for worrying she'll be attracted to any man who tries to make a move on her. But if you attempt to control her, she'll lose all respect for you.
You should be pleased that she's following her dream and you should not try to hold her back.
If you fail to get behind her on this, it could be your own fault if you lose her.
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