It has just hit me

[xmasevebundle]

After a tough/lonely pregnancy, i am finally accepting what has happened. Im 28w, me and babys father split in early june.

We was together for 8 months i loved him dearly(he was my first love). Moves in together and even got a dog. I left him because he didnt want the baby.

It no longer love him, but there is something there that makes me so angry at him. We did everything together and spend all our time together. I cant stop thinking of what we did together and how its ended. Almost dwelling on it, i just cant believe what he done to me. I am a lot stronger and happier within myself. But i am now thinking am i even ready to be a mum? Im 19(shocking i know) and he was 25. Everyone has said to me, i never thought you would get pregnant.

Its very bittersweet, i am due christmas eve. So much has changed since, if someone told me i would be pregnant single and having a baby boy. I would of laughed in your face.

I haven't really spoken to anyone expect my mum and midwife about it. I always think to myself i wont ever find someone like him.

I dont miss him, i miss the person he use to be, and thats very hard...

Thats why i find it hard to accept! It dont seem 'real' that he would do.

It would effect my money, as its another income. I would get less money He thinks £100 a month for the child, when i go to CSA i will get that week. He gets a lot of money, it isnt about that but it is now. I have spend every last penny, my mum and dad have spent at least £1,000 on there granchild. Brings me to tears they have helped me so much.

Hes would say but she took that and i would get done for fraud.

He did say he wanted to see it but didnt because he would have to see me, i seen him a few weeks ago, i walked the shop and was the first and only time i have been out since his mothers antics(i dont go out alone unless im with my mum and dad)

He drove past slowly glared at my bump(which isnt the smallest) and looked at me, i held my head high.

Well I would say carry on holding your head high, you have done nothing wrong.

Maybe it would be an idea to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and just find out exactly what your rights are and what you are entitled to as well as what his right are/ or aren't. At least you would be clear then and can plan for the future.

You WILL meet someone else and someone who is better and hard as it is to believe you will look back on this and think what a lucky escape you have had from such a low-life.

congratulations on your christmas eve bundle!