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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

New boyfriend's Ex wants to be friends with me on FB.

51 replies

botandhothered · 01/10/2012 16:23

Is this a bit odd?
They split last September, no kids, but still friends who occasionally meet up for coffee, and keep in touch through text and FB.
He ended the relationship.
I met her very briefly once on a night out, just introduced and that was it. We have been together since April, and things are going well. Now, I don't really understand why she wants to friend me, but won't I look like I have ishoos with her if I don't accept her request? Haven't mentioned it to BF yet, seeing him later.

OP posts:

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bochead · 01/10/2012 16:47

are there kids involved?

In that case I might want a way to contact my ex's new partner independently of the ex, or to stay at the fringes of being in touch just in case summat ever came up relevant to the kids iykwim. The hope of course would be that no emergency would arise, but better safe than sorry and all that.

Not sure I'd choose facebook as the medium for that though - a quick swap of mobile numbers would suffice. I admit though I loathe facebook, but for some people it seems to be their primary means of communication. If kids are a factor then the more I think about it the more I think mobile tel is the way to go - facebook seems the wrong comms method to say "your angels on his way to the hospital cos he fell off the climbing frame - can you get there sharpish?" doesn't it?

If it's not for emergency contact re kids then she's a bit of a nutter as far as I can tell, so I'd block and never think of it again. She may be having issues accepting he's moved on.

Paiviaso · 01/10/2012 16:48

My boyfriend's ex added me on Facebook. They are still on good terms, she is part of the group of friends he knows from back home. We have met a couple times but don't really talk to each other.

I added her back. Several of his other friends have added me as well. I am sometimes included in the group events/invites they create on Facebook though I rarely attend any. I didn't really think too much of adding her to be honest.

This woman might just be adding you to say "I am just another friend now, no bad feelings" since she does still have coffee with your boyfriend now and then.

AnnaFender · 01/10/2012 16:50

How often do your dp and her meet? I would be worried it'd look like I have ishoos with her too. You could put her on limited profile view, that way you come off looking not bothered but she can't spy on you!

AnnaFender · 01/10/2012 16:52

Also, if you put her on limited view and then delete after a while she probably won't even notice or you could just brush it off that you always delete people you don't talk to or whatever.

Dahlen · 01/10/2012 16:52

Don't do it. Just ignore it. Mention it to your boyfriend though.

If you were feeling particularly magnanimous you could always reject it with a message saying that you only accept FB friends that you also know in RL.

botandhothered · 01/10/2012 16:55

No kids, bochead. He has a Ds 9, and I would understand if, in the future, his mum wanted to friend me, for exactly the reasons you have mentioned.

If she does want to spy, she'd be very disappointed, I am really very boring!

Daisy! I can't believe your BFs ex had those photos and friend requested you! Nutter!

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SunAtLast · 01/10/2012 16:57

Ignore her request. Don't mention it to dp either.

Daisym0use · 01/10/2012 17:02

haha no Botandhothered, it was my ex's new GF that sent me the request, the other way round would have been really wierd!

CuriousMama · 01/10/2012 17:03

How do you put on limited view? There are some people on my FB that I'd like to have a limited view of my profile.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 01/10/2012 17:08

I'm friends with one of DP's exes.
She's fucking lovely :)
And filled me in on a lot of stuff i needed to know, but only when i asked, not unprompted.
Supported me through the shit he pulled.

But i wouldn't unless it was over my still twitching corpse add or accept FR from the Ex he has the DC's with, also i added without my knowledge (i add people for fb games) his ExW and mother of his first child and when i posted that he was feeling unwell she sent him a message asking if he wanted to go and see her for some 'TLC' !! Cheeky bitch!

So no i probably wouldn't accept this one, block her or simply don't accept it whatever you thinks best. Sod what she thinks or feels :)

DragonMamma · 01/10/2012 17:10

It would be too tempting to add her, have a nose then delete once I had finished. I accidentally friend requested DH exW once...awkward.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 01/10/2012 17:14

No way. I'm not friends with my DH's ex, even though they have a good relationship in terms of their DD.

That would be too weird for me. Who wants an ex looking through their personal pics. No way jose.

SoggySummer · 01/10/2012 17:16

I just leave "awkward" friens requests pending. I dont accept not do I decline. I have about 10 people suspended in friends request mode. I genuinely forget they are there until I go into that section.

Then when people ask or mention it I look surprised like I didnt realise they had sent me a request.

eslteacher · 01/10/2012 17:25

I'm friends with 2 of DPs exes. But they are old exes, and both had new long-term partners by the time I met them. I might be a bit more wary about befriending a more recent ex, especially one who I barely knew...I suspect she just wants a means to check up on you.

Pudgy2011 · 01/10/2012 17:30

I'm friends with my ex-bf's wife. Ex and I were friends since we were teenagers, dated between the ages of 21 and 24 and then went back to being good friends.

I get on really well with his wife, was there the evening they met and even commented to a mutual friend "mark my words, they are set together for life" - I was right! No jealous ex's here, we're all relatively normal, my DH thinks ex-bf is a good man, all get along famously.

botandhothered · 01/10/2012 23:11

Ok! Had a word with Dbf. He thinks she has no motive and it's up to me!
I told him I thought it was alittle out of the ordinary, and that as i don't know her well, I may friend her then delete her in a couple of weeks. Again he said it's totally my decision. ....So I have added her...oh GOD may the stalking begin....!!

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perfumedlife · 01/10/2012 23:23

He's deluded.

CuriousMama · 01/10/2012 23:36

Well at least he isn't hiding anything He sounds very laid back, is he?

tallwivglasses · 02/10/2012 00:45

I'm sure there's settings and stuff that minimises what she sees?

botandhothered · 02/10/2012 07:45

Curious mama, yes, very laid back!! Well she hasn't sent me any messages since i accepted her request,so hope all will be ok....

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Longtalljosie · 02/10/2012 07:50

Limited profile? So you're technically friends but she can't actually see your posts etc?

chipsandmushypeas · 02/10/2012 07:50

So you added her?

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botandhothered · 02/10/2012 08:05

He says he is quite sure she no longer has feelings for him, and she has had a few flings since they split. He didn't think there was anything sinister about it. I have limited what she can see anyway,just in case,and will quietly unfriend her in a week or two!

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2rebecca · 02/10/2012 08:26

I'd say no as she is just an exgirlfriend and she isn't your friend, plus I only have a handful of facebook friends. On the other hand if my husband's exwife asked to be my "friend" I'd probably say yes because it will make things easier re their kids and i don't put anything that exciting on facebook anyway, plus I know her.
If no kids involved then who cares if she thinks you are a jealous new girlfriend? Why does her opinion matter, she's just another woman you don't know? I would feel spied on in this case and ignore the request.

botandhothered · 02/10/2012 14:40

Have had a little look at her profile and she has 1,029 friends!!!!! So she must just add everyone she ever says hello to!
I suppose she will beable to see how unpopular I am with just 70ish friends?!!!
She has her relationship status as it's complicated...BUT she is interested in men AND women...!! Vair interesting.......!

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