Is this how it's done now?

[akaemmafrost]

Have been texting a bloke for a few weeks. Met him in a pub and exchanged numbers. Not seen him as he lives quite a way away. The last couple of texts have been suggestive yuk!

This is not the first time this has happened. A bloke I knew from years ago, got back in touch recently and within a few texts was doing the same thing with NO come on from me. "oooh, like your photos on FB, you're very attractive" me: "thank you". Him: "what would you say if I told you I was having thoughts I shouldn't be having?" --double yuk!"

So is this how it's done now? Do I need to get with the programme? Or is it just men of a certain age? These two both late thirties.

I DO NOT LIKE IT!

I have noticed it too. And what is more disturbing, for me, is it's coming from married men a lot! It's really difficult to chat to any male without added innuendo

And, I will share this here, not spoken to anyone in RL yet, but it is happening with my teens male friends!

Am I 'game' because I'm a middle aged single parent? Dear god, I'm no prude either, but it's tacky and wrong. Life seems to revolve around sex!

Don't despair akaemmafrost

I can guarantee there is at least one bloke out there who is not like that

So there are probably more

Some people like NSA sex, some don't. It isn't wrong to prefer NSA sex to a committed relationship, and it isn't wrong to flirt via text unless the recipient says, actually no thanks, I don't think that's appropriate. (though if this is friends or whatever you might start by 'Are you drunk?' as a good broad hint to back off).

i think there's a difference between flirting and out and out trying to get you to feed their wank for them solid.

I do get that SGB and I am not po faced about NSA sex. If it were in person and I fancied them I would probably be receptive to those kind of "advances" ( I love that word). I just find the movement to it so swiftly and clumsily really tacky. There's no waiting to see if there is any attraction. It's "you're female, you'll do". I don't like it.

Exactly SAF.

This thread has made me feel less of a freakster so thank you!

I utterly loathe clumsy crude advances before even meeting someone or at first aquaintance. I want to feel the man is utterly enchanted by MY unique charms - not - you have a pulse therefore you'll do!

Courting - I'm going to send my son for lessons when he's old enough, cos I'd die of shame if he ever delivered some of the propositions I've had! manners do maketh the man as far as I'm concerned. A bit of gentle witty repartee and all that is very attractive.

Could be worse, my dw met a bloke in a club before we got together and gave him her number. That night she got a video of him wanking! They hadn't even kissed or anything before that!

These dodgy texts are not at all uncommon these days. I used to find them very cringey in my single days, and very presumptuous, (though not as bad as the one date I had where we were just chatting at my flat, I nipped to the loo, came back and there was already a packet of condoms out on the coffee table!)

Someone I know had been chatting online with a guy for a few weeks and he seemed nice, they met for a first date and when she got home he texted "send me a dirty photo !" So she took a pic of her recently used walking boot and sent that!

I could do without texting when it comes to dating and go back to nice old fashioned courting.

There was a Friends sketch years ago where one of the women hadn't had a date for years and she said she was scared to attempt sex now "in case they changed it".

Well guess what, they did! If these guys are in their late 30s then they've had 15 years of porn and online leching, and this is the new normal.

I was single for four years then in an LTR for 6 years before that. Even 10 years ago I don't think this stuff happened. But it did during the 4 I was single (and yes there's a connection).

If you sleep with one of these guys, also, expect to be asked for anal sex the first shag. Your fanny's too vanilla, they need your bum and they expect you to give it up right away.

Or, hold out for a grown up. Took me a while but I found one eventually.

I'd sooner see a bloke's flat than his dick TBH. It tells me more about what's important. I know he's got an average dick without seeing it (they're all average looking to me frankly) but does he have nice taste and a nesting instinct?

Oh and I may be weird, but if I fancy a bloke, what I fancy is a snog and some wandering hands. I'm quite grossed out by the thought of instant sex. I need to warm to it over the course of a few dates and no matter how much I fancy someone I don't want to see his dick quite yet thanks.

ElizabethX - yeuk!
I think I'll happily remain celibate another decade or 5!

I want a grown up! A nice one, with a cute grin, manners, discretion and the ability to put up a kitchen shelf.

Ewww - elizabethx

And double ewww maleview

This thread makes for grim reading and no mistake.

I was texting a guy I met online and he kept saying he was the 'perfect gentleman' and he liked 'gentle flirting.' We met up several times and he was great. When the relationship became physical, I sent a very subtly suggestive text, something like I was looking for the soap in the bath. That seemed to give him license to start sending crude and filthy texts that would leave me open-mouthed in shock. He would write things I wouldn't even think! To be honest, I wondered if I was a prude not to join in. So OP, I think it is quite the norm, I'm afraid.

I encountered a few of this type when I was internet dating, but there are decent men out there who don't do this shit. I met DFiance on Plenty of Fish and he wasn't like this at all.