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Relationships

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Original poster

Ex's jealous girlfriend

49 replies

Annteeta · 30/09/2012 20:24

I have remained friends with my ex since we split up 7½ years ago and we have continued to share the dog. I sometimes have the dog weekends but he has generally had him in the week as he has been out of work. A year ago, he got a new girlfriend (in fact they got engaged barely 3 months after they met). He made it known a few months ago that she resented my existence and didn?t like us having any contact. I barely have any contact with him now on account of this and any contact we do have is kept to a minimum. He rang me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that for her birthday (which is next Friday) she is demanding that he cut all ties with me, deletes my number from his phone book and says that I can no longer have the dog except on special occasions. She says she hates me although I have always been friendly and gave her a lift home when they first met. He has said no to her demand and called tonight to tell me that they haven?t spoken all weekend after an argument about this issue. She?s had her phone switched off but rang him tonight to repeat her demand. Can you think of a way forward with this one? It makes me sad to think I can?t see the dog as I love having him. My partner thinks she is being totally unreasonable, as do I.

OP posts:

Daisym0use · 30/09/2012 23:13

It's just a phrase mango! The ex's new girlfriend is making unreasonable demands. Could be a one off thing for her but she might turn out to be very controlling. Really didn't mean it to be offensive in anyway

Rowanhart · 30/09/2012 23:17

The best thing you can do for yourself is let it go. I had this situation (sans Dog) with my ex who I'd known all my life. She put her foot down. It was actually healthier in long run.

Original poster

Annteeta · 30/09/2012 23:24

I don't want anything to do with their relationship. I never have. Although my ex is a friend I would happily never see him again if that's what it takes to resolve this but we both want to see the dog. May sound crazy to a non-dog lover but the arrangement worked well all these years.

OP posts:

olgaga · 30/09/2012 23:26

They are engaged!

He's jobless, spends all week "looking after the dog", snivels to his ex about her wanting him to move his life on ... no wonder she's peeved.

OP isn't doing him any favours - let alone her!

Sounds to me as though OP is quite happy he's messing up this relationship for her "friendship" - and a dog!

olgaga · 30/09/2012 23:28

Sorry, cross posted with OP.

Well OP - tell him it's time to get on with his life and decide what's important. His fiancee, or the dog!

squeakytoy · 01/10/2012 00:06

To anyone who has a dog, it is easy to understand why they are just as important as a child.

The GF sounds ridiculously insecure, and it seems your ex has also realised this too.

You dont really need to do anything though, just let him sort it out, and carry on as normal.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 01/10/2012 02:03

bunny boiler

noun

a crazy, dangerous woman. From the film Fatal Attraction.
I've heard she's a bit of a bunny-boiler.

A stalker (particularly a female one). Origin: Derived from Glenn Close's deranged character in the film Fatal Attraction, specifically the scene in which she decides to make a rabbit stew out of Michael Douglas's family pet.

Or:

Web definitions

Bunny boiler is a pejorative term for an obsessive and dangerous individual, referring to a former lover who stalks the person who spurned them. The term is normally used for a woman who stalks a male former lover.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_boiler

: A very jealous girlfriend

So now ya know.....

bronsky · 01/10/2012 08:51

my ex is the farther to my son we are friends but a while ago he got a new girl friend he blocked me off face book and he was horrible to me but when they finished he was friends with me again then a few weeks later i was talking to him and he said that he wont be able to talk to me for the next two weeks as he had people staying with him only later on did i find out that he was back with his ex and that he lied to me i still love him but i carnt trust him any more

chipmonkey · 01/10/2012 11:15

I feel sorry for the dog.

Daisym0use · 01/10/2012 11:26

haha thanks Things! I guess the term doesn't really fit for a current girlfriend then does it!

The girlfriend does seem rather insecure though. I admit that I always have a wierd feeling about exes but I can put it into perspective. My DH was friends with a few exes when we got together but over time they naturally drifted out of his life (new relationships, travelling etc). I'm sure they'll crop up again but thats fine, I'm comfortable and we have a great relationship so nothing to worry about. Maybe the the new gf has had problems with exes in the past but it's no excuse to be so controlling.

LittleFrieda · 01/10/2012 11:38

I think the dog should choose.

HazleNutt · 01/10/2012 11:54

His fiancee is the one who wants to change the current arrangement and does not want you to continue sharing the dog. Therefore it's only fair that the dog should live with you full time. If he wants to see the dog, he has to sort it out with the new partner.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 01/10/2012 13:45

It does, daisy, it says 'very jealous girlfriend' you were allowed to use the term after all!

Or it might be 'crazy, dangerous woman'

Hope she doesn't make a dog stew!

LOL @ I think the dog should choose :)

bochead · 01/10/2012 14:08

Step away from the edge. He's a big boy - even if you & your current partner thinks shes a few sarnies short of a picnic, your ex has chosen to be with her, whatever lunacy that entails. IF she turns out to be a total drama drain, (& I strongly suspect she will) then she'll drag everyone in her circle down with her.

The dog's had a good run with the pair of you to date. Sadly she's drawing that chapter to a close. Now it's time for him to hire a dog sitter & for you to volunteer at the local shelter, foster or even obtain your own pet. Make it clear that if they find they need to rehome the dog - you want first dibs!!!!!!!

Let it go. Disengage. remember - if you lie with dogs, you catch fleas.

(I say this as someone who lost custody of her cat to her first serious boyfriend 20 years ago still hasn't forgiven the man!)

Daisym0use · 01/10/2012 14:41

Thanks ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm! I hope the doggy is safe!

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 01/10/2012 15:07

I hope so, too!

I wouldn't share custody of my dogs, they have always been mine, i feed, water, groom and poo pick, therefore they are mine mine all mine :)

Mayisout · 01/10/2012 15:18

Perhaps it depends on who left who. If OP dumped ex then maybe she is more justified in being jealous.

Anyway, after 7.5 years dog must be getting on a bit by now and won't be around for ever.

ZigZagWanderer · 01/10/2012 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Annteeta · 01/10/2012 20:11

"Yes, I agree. I'd run a mile if I was her. It really isn't right for him to be bleating to you about her. In fact he sounds more like your son than an ex!"

He had to explain the situation to put me in the picture as I had a stake in this. I wouldn't say he was bleating on, just describing the situation.

OP posts:

Smeghead · 01/10/2012 20:12

BUt he didnt need to explain what she said and that he thinks she is being a demanding harpy!

All he had to say was that the situation with the dog couldnt continue and what do you think you should do.

HissyByName · 01/10/2012 22:55

He might be looking.for.validation and support...

HazleNutt · 02/10/2012 08:22

Mayisout, for most breeds 7,5 is not that old and the dog could easily live at least another 7,5 years.

AnyFucker · 02/10/2012 09:15

will nobody think of the dog...

< wrings hands >

BethFairbright · 02/10/2012 09:40

With regard to your friendship, just tell him that he needs to make those decisions himself. Do not be drawn into his complaints about his fiancee, or any tales about how possessive and controlling she is. Some men just really enjoy pitting women against one another and some women just love to slag off other women and call them 'bunny boilers'

Their relationship is none of you and your partner's business.

The dog issue is the only one you should be concerned about. Either agree for you to have the dog full time, or for him to. For now, state that your preference would be to continue the arrangement you've had, but if that can't continue, one of you is going to have to bow out of the dog's life. Try to come to an amicable agreement about who that's going to be. Unlike children, in law a dog is regarded as property or asset. If ownership isn't clear cut and it's no longer possible to share the asset amicably, the only way to resolve it is to agree on ownership, preferably without resorting to law.

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