Stupid argument - about hair!

[JanZ]

I'd been getting on so well with our Christmas preparations and really getting into the Christmas spirit but...

... Yesterday I had my hair cut and coloured. I'd been thinking of going a wee bit different and having red highlights put in instead of the usual blond highlights. In the event my hairdresser persuaded me to have an all over colour done. So now, instead of being being blond, I'm a dark red-head.

It's very different - and I'm taking a bit to get used to it - but it does look good.

HOWEVER, my husband hates it. He says it's "yet another example of me doing things without consulting him" and that "if I want to do things as an individual then that's fine, but it's not a marriage". He slept last night in the spare bed and is not talking to me.

What should I do?

Maybe my dh is hen-pecked, but I find this quite shocking, JanZ. I'm always getting things done to my hair and don't tell him, apart from when I need him to babysit. The latest thing, about a month ago now, was getting my long (and very unmanageable hair) cut into a bob. I liked it, so did my friends, but I don't think dh was keen as he didn't give an opinion eitherway, not that he is usually Mr Enthusiastic of course anyway. I know he likes my hair long, but it was driving me mad, and at the end of the day, it's my hair so I decide how to have it!

It does seem like quite an extreme over-reaction from your dh, so I wonder if he is stressed over something else, and that your new hairstyle was just a convenient outlet to vent his frustrations. And they say women do mad, hormonal, irrational things!!! I really don't think that you have anything to be apologising about, but if he is anything like my dh, who can't admit to ever being in the wrong, you're going to have to swallow your pride, do the adult-thing, and be the peacemaker. Tell him it was meant to be a surprise, and that you didn't want to bore him by talking about hairstyles beforehand, as you know he's got enough on his plate at the moment, that will make you sound very considerate. Good Luck and I bet your hair looks great!

It's a power thing. Refuse to be drawn into an argument about it. Don't apologise - that will will lead to an argument, too. Be pleasant, treat him gently, but ignore all hair comments and get on with christmas.

I agree with the other comments - sounds like he wants to own you and from the reference to "yet another example" obviously there's something else that has been bothering him. At least he noticed - unlike my husband who didn't say a thing when I had my long hair cut short. Still if you want a decent Christmas its time to say you're sorry he's upset (not an apology but just a recognition of how he feels) but you didn't realise he would feel that strongly about it. When Christmas is safely out of the way try to find out what else has been bothering him.

Thanks everyone for their comments and advice. Yes, there are other things bothering him - he's stressed/unhappy at work and there a few unresolved issue between us too. But it still hurts! (the fact that his previous wife was red-head may also have been an issue - which I hadn't thought of)

I was hoping to use the holidays to do some planning together: a) we need to anyway and b) it'll make him happier as he's a "we need a plan" type of person. Hopefully that will make things a bit better between us.

Now I just need to get him talking to me again!

Janz is he a jealous type of husband? If your new style has improved your looks and self confidence he may think you will get more attention from other men( you probably will) and this might be what is behind his disapproval.
Sorry if this is way off the mark and just a bit too much like pop psychology!
Imagine if the tables were turned and he got a drastic haircut you did not like. Would he not think it ridiculous if you went in the huff over it?
Your posting gave me a bit of a chill. It is exactly the kind of thing I can imagine my ex husband would have said. The marriage eventually broke down because he did not feel as if I needed him.