SIL is a nasty bitch. Give me some clever words to say for next time she starts

[adogcalledbetty]

SIL is now in her 60s. She's been around nearly all my life and we have generally tolerated each other. Contact is rare as she and my DB live a long way from me.

She really picks her moments - like when my DF was dying she launched into a hissy fit about how useless my DCs were as they should be mowing DFs lawn not playing on the computer! FFS

I don't want to make friends with her; my DB won't have a word said against her; I just want some clever retort. Any ideas?

The question is how to get these in my brain so that they come out effortlessly?

always yawn first to give you time to think first which phrase to use

When my exMiL phoned to berate me for leaving her son, I said: "one of the few good things to come out of this sorry mess, is that I no longer have to pretend to care what you think" and put the phone down.

I would just ignore her completely. Pretend she hasn't said anything at all. If need be, turn your back too. Don't respond to anything unpleasant she says.

BOOP - that must have been sweet!

just tell her 'If you haven't got anything nice to say, please stop talking'

or you could do the classic teenage response and turn your bottom towards her saying 'talk to the butt, cos the face ain't listening'