Is my partner straying?

[groceries]

I am really worried and I guess have been for months about my partner sneaking around on the internet. I have found pictures on his phone and I feel awful for thinking the worse. He said the picture was from the internet and that he didn't put it there. We never have sex but it has always been difficult. I am so worried about my son who is only 19months old. Does anyone know about the ads that come up on the computer. I am not sure how it works but I keep seeing dating sites etc and need my mind put at ease. I hate thinking these things, I have decided to go to Relate for some help with the lack of sex, but it will only be me as he refuses to talk to me and refuses to go to any counselling.
The sites freak me out because they are for single parents and I have seen these come up before. Also Russian dating, chinese, mature dating, girls date for free why do these keep coming up all the time??? Note this is not the first time I have found stuff, I have found emails from complete strangers saying I saw your profile on the internet and thought we would get on. He told me this was spam and I believed him. I am getting tired of all this. Some advice would be appreciated. I have no family here at all they are all in New Zealand!

"Hi, I saw your profile" type emails can often be spam (unsolicitated) but if they were from a dating site then that's something to add to your Suspicion List. Ads for dating sites can often be completely random but some browsers (IE,Chrome) pick up on what's been recently searched for and 'suggest' similar sites.

But, in closing, websites do NOT generally save pics to one's phone. That really doesn't happen.

Look at the history to see what he's been looking at/searching for.

But, in closing, websites do NOT generally save pics to one's phone. That really doesn't happen.

No they dont. I was fooled on this one for five years.

It is all bullshit.

He is avoiding sex and having a sex life anyway, online.

Mine backed down from admitting this for four weeks at Relate. I stuck with my guns and he admitted it eventually. I suggest a male counsellors- ours was brilliant and h said it made it easier to talk.

How does he treat you generally?. I mean you specifically.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

It sounds like your relationship anyway is in serious trouble and your man is looking for a way out of it but is taking the cowardly way out. Your suspicions are not unfounded I fear. If he has been cheating (and it is looking very likely) what are you going to do?.

You cannot save this relationship on your own. Why is he refusing to talk to you?. How long has that been going on?.

Ads can pop up but more often than not these appear because they have been searched for. Unsolicited e-mails from other women do not just appear in his inbox without him putting his details onto such sites beforehand. It is not spam e-mail.

'Unsolicited', I mean. Sorry.

Snoop on him [shocked] Sounds like you've got a genuine reason to have a gut instinct that something's up. Pick a quiet time you can have a proper look and come back and ask us if you're not sure about the technology.

We use google chrome on the computer. He acts like I am the one is in need of help if I ask any questions. I am so scared don't want to lose my son... he has everything.

I've registered on a dating site (not for long I hasten to add seeing as a high proportion of users seem to be bs'ing married types) and you can only receive messages from other users, especially those that say "hi, seen your profile etc" if you actually have a profile.

And as soon as I de-registered, I have received nothing, no emails, no spam.

I don't believe him, I'm sorry.

Why do you think you would lose your son?

What sort of questions are you asking?

I seem to be getting spam email all the time from 'sexy girls looking for fun' who saw my profile on the internet. one girl is looking for a 'sweet Southern gentleman'- not a grumpy Midlands female shut-in

I think they are very different Mardy - if you are getting emails from Girls date for free etc. they are bonafide dating sites. They don't spam.

MardyMidlander

Spam emails will be from an odd looking address; @ryebiyf.2953.ru or something.
Not-spam will be from somewhere you can google; @plentyoffish.com or @adultwork.com or @okcupid.com

But the spam etc really seems beside the point if you have no intimacy or communication and he refuses to discuss it. That's the bottom line.

How do you feel if you allow yourself to think about your marriage being over?

Whether he's cheating or not, you seem to be very unhappy in this non-physical relationship with a partner who is either uncooperative or tells you to get your head examined if you raise concerns of any kind. I'm glad you're seeing Relate on your own because they should help you see that something is very badly wrong. On your way home from Relate can I suggest you pop into a solicitor specialising in family law and talk to them about what happens to children in the event of the break-up of a cohabiting couple?

I realise he is looking around and has done so for some time now. However I don't know how far he is taking it, whether he is just looking or actually actively
looking for another relationship. Whatever the reason, its difficult putting up with this bullshit.

why do you say you would "lose your son" and "he has everything" ?

if you find out your H is cheating (and it certainly looks like it), you are perfectly at liberty to end your relationship, and your H would be forced to contribute financially towards the upkeep of his children

you say it's difficult putting up with this bullshit, and you are correct

you don't have to though

AntiFeminism - just a query as to your meaning?

trollolloll