I have a HUGE crush... it is taking over!!

[CrazyCrushLady]

I really need some advice as I have a huge crush on a man who I see at the nursery my 1 year old DD attends. I only see him briefly a couple of times a week when I go to pick her up after work (he is picking up his DS) but for some reason I just can't stop thinking about him!

So, a bit of background.... I have been with DP for 5 years and we have DD. Things between DP and I have been rocky at times but I do love him and can't see myself leaving him, we are planning to buy a home together and have another child in the not too distant future.

But in the last few weeks these feelings for The Crush have gradually got stronger and I seem to think about him all the time. If I think I am going to see him when I pick up DD from nursery I get these funny feelings in my tummy. We say hello to each other in passing but have not engaged in any other conversation. I think I have caught him looking at me a couple of times but i know it is normal to look at people! (but I cant help imagining there is more to it than that). And I have to force myself to not look at him too much as I don't want it to be obvious I find him attractive. I know he is with someone but I still find myself making more of an effort with my appearance these days, especially when I think I am going to bump into him.

Its not like I am contemplating cheating on my DP with him as it is not that sort of situation. I just don't know what I should do! Should I leave work a bit later so as to avoid him? But how I am feeling now, I just can't do that... the thought of not seeing him makes me feel sad. This crush is brightening up my days! But I do know these feelings are wrong. Help... what do I do??

i have been in a horrible crush situation before, and it does pass. If anything were to happen between you both then you would be ripping apart two families, for someone that you don't even know. Just try and remember that he has a wife at home who loves him every time you think about him, and hopefully it will pass.

This is going to be harsh but has to be asked; you say "this crush" is brightening up your days. Why isn't your beautiful baby girl, "brightening up your days?"

This isn't about the crush, and well done for identifying it as that: that is all it is. You barely speak to this man and he is in a relationship. Even if you do find each mutually attractive (which you're just hoping is the case) that is a million miles away from anything happening. Your feelings for him are not the issue. You need to work on your relationship with your DP. How have you got to the point where what sounds like the most fleeting of interactions is enough to brighten up your day? Take some time to communicate deeply, or have fun, or sex, or any of the 101 things that we all neglect after five years with someone.

What is lacking in your ordinary day,that it is not bright enough?

Crazycrushlady - I feel your pain. Am in similar situation but I'm the married one and he's unattached. It is so so hard to not think about someone. Distraction helps. Is this the first time in 5 yrs you've been attracted to someone else? It is for me in 13 years of marriage. If I was you I'd avoid future meetings and concentrate on your own relationship, unfortunately for me I can't avoid seeing this man for work reasons for at least the next year. I have phased when I can forget about him and other days I think of him constantly. Nothing has been said but I think you just know when there is something there.
Good luck.

It's nothing. He's an attractive man you know nothing about. You just like his face. There's nothing wrong with that, but don't read any more into it.

Have a crush though. Why not. There's no thought police!

Alittlestranger - yes you are right. This isnt about my feelings for the crush but my relationship with DP. Maybe things with DP need more help than i admit to.

Glycine - yes this is the first time I have had feelings for anyone else. At least I can avoid him if i wish, and i do know this is what i should do.

And in hindsight using the term "brightening up my days" was a tad overly dramatic. I shouldnt have said that. My DD does that... I love her more than anything in the world and she brightens up my life. I am just not used to these new feelings of butterflys and attraction when I see someone.

Avoid him, it wil go no-where, but you don't want the creche staff or other parents to notice.

I had a crush, still do, but it has dramatically decreased in intensity. I feel the interest was reciprocated, but both of us sensed it was happening and it was wrong and both backed off and it is now diminishing.

It can only lead to trouble. You have a good thing going, but you are human and your interest has been ignited, rise above it and walk away.