Lovely friend's husband very poorly

[ArtVandelay]

Hello, Just wanted to see if anyone had any advice about how to be a good friend to my sweet friend who's husband has been diagnosed simutaneously with a serious illness and (unrelated) cancer. I'm not at all uncomfortable or awkward feeling about it, we've talked about it a lot this morning, but just wanted some advice on how to keep her feeling supported but not intrude or make her feel worse. She hasn't told anyone else apart from family, so far, so I think I should keep it secret also. Damn, they are such nice people - it's not f*cking fair :(

How horrible and I'm glad she has you as a friend. I think the main thing is to let your friend know that you're there for her if she needs help and that you really mean it and aren't just paying lipservice. Reinforce this from time to time because I find 'nice people' who have genuinely nasty problems are often reluctant to keep asking for help. They don't like to impose themselves too often. The other thing you can do as a friend is to keep treating her the same as normal and doing the things you normally do. Good luck

Thanks Cogito. Thats the thing, its getting the balance. We normally get together once a week so I'll just keep doing that and I'll offer to have her baby if she wants to go to an appointment without distractions.

Maybe on the practical side offer some babysitting, lifts to hospital appointments if you can, cook them some meals that she can portion up and freeze for when she's stuck for time.

You sound like a lovely friend

I think that's right, MsKayGee. Would make a big difference. And as well, ArtVandelay - try to keep it going as Cogito said. Many people (I'm sure not you) would make a big flurry of sympathy in the short term for this sort of thing and then peter out for the long haul.

Best of luck to all.

Great advice. One thing is that I'm moving away in a few weeks so soon I'm not going to be able to do anything practical. Should I encourage her to reach out to some other friends who I know would do loads for her? We have some lovely friends but its not really my business who she tells IYSWIM. I'll see how it goes - I just want to tread carefully.