First time poster so please be gentle! DH and I have been together for 3 years (married 1). When we met I already had DD (now 7) and DS (now 6), we have since had our DD (1) and I am pregnant with DC4. I am just putting you in the picture, this may or may not be relevant.
When I first met DPIL I got on with DFIL really well, we would chat for ages, have a laugh, and he seemed genuinely interested in our lives. He is quite outgoing and so am I. He helped us move house, helped us with childcare when we had our DD, phoned regularly, helped us when we sold our old car etc. etc. So far so good.
DMIL is a different kettle of fish. She suffers from terrible confidence issues (so much so that she couldne even attend her childrens sports days), she cannot drive (and wont get a bus) so is completely dependant on FIL and SIL and DH for everything. E.g she cannot get shopping on her own. She has no friends, just one sister that will come and pick her up and take her shopping occasionally, although this sister is also bringing up her grandson (at the age of 68). She suffers constant headaches/migraine, back problems, plurasy and depression, so she is not a well lady. However, she would possibly benefit from fresh air/trips out as she seems to feel a lot better when she is out of the house and her mind is taken off of her problems.
The main problem, however, is with SIL. She has never had a good relationship with her dad and seeing him get on so well with me has given rise to terrible jealousy. She has tried every which way to undermine me and generally make my life difficult. She has told me lies about her parents (saying that DFIL used to hit DMIL and that she is too scared of him to leave) - I should re-iterate that there is no truth in this whatsoever. She used to 'go on' constanly about DH's ex-girlfriends (how much she liked them etc.) She told them that I had lied about my job (I am a teacher) to the point where DFIL phoned the school that I work in to check up on me! She left our wedding early (her daughter was a bridesmaid), although this wasnt a big problem as she sat there miserable all day anyway. She has made alegations that I tore up a wedding anniversary card that she sent to us - this is really not my style! She has told my PIL that I wouldnt let DH attend the hospital when his Nan died, again this is not true, my DH has a mind of his own and couldnt face seeing his nan die. The list goes on and on.
To get to the point, she has poisoned PIL against me. DMIL is very close to DSIL and has a tendancy to believe everything she says. DFIL came to our house (DMIL has never been to our new house) to apologise over the telephoning my workplace incident, when he told DSIL that things had been smoothed over she claimed that if PIL saw me again this would mean that they have no loyalty towards her (She is 42, btw)! Obviously this means that they cannot see DD or the new DC. DH could taken the children to see them but I feel that we should either come as a family or not at all. DMIL has not seen DD for about 6 months now. She (DMIL) misses DD greatly and is now not sleeping over this but feels that it would be disloyal to see us. Her health is suffering from the anxiety of wanting to see DGD and not upsetting her DD.
I am not sure what I am asking really. DH is not prepared to not see his parents so he sees them on his own. We argue constantly over this and are coming close to splitting up, I just dont know what to do for the best. I have not spoken to DFIL since he came to the house or DMIL since January although I still buy birthday presents/send card etc.