I've just suddenly gone off sex.

[Vinohrady]

DH and I have had a few ups and downs of late. I'm very perimenopausal. We have young DC and we both work (not full time), juggle, and I'm also a painter and been working towards an upcoming solo show.

I've been off sex for a couple of months - which is really unlike me. But I just don't want him to touch me. I can't explain it. Last night, the first night in a LONG time we've chilled out, watched Sopranos, had a takeaway - but then I still didn't want sex.

Can't work it out. I know I feel tense and closed up. But I really don't want this to become an issue. And I believe relationships need a good sex life. And I want a good sex life.

Any clues as to what's happening or what I should do to move things forward?

It's not you - it's your hormones, honey. Make an appointment with your GP and ask for a blood test to check they're functioning within normal parameters.

Good luck with your forthcoming show - will it be at a London gallery?

Is it just hormones? I'm already taking stuff for them - a hormone lozenge to balance things out. It feels far more than that. Like I don't fancy him

I don't know...!

Yes, London show

Is it him you don't fancy or is it that you don't fancy sex?

Have you recently experienced any 'Cor' moments if you've seen a particularly gorgeous male while going about your usual business?

Can you imagine yourself getting up close and personal with a man who's always floated your boat, so to speak - such as Johnny Depp or Johnny Rotten, according to your personal taste.

My fiver is going on stress and the 'ups and downs' ... Sex (to me at least) is 90% mental, 10% physical and if you're wound up about the solo exhibition and other things are pressing on your mind then it's difficult to get into the zone. That's the first one. Second, is your DH pulling his weight with the DCs, is he enthusiastic about your show, or are these 'ups and downs' suggesting some problem preventing you from feeling warm and fuzzy towards him? Is there something you're not saying to him?

Cogito - I really agree. I think sex is a mental thing. And no, I don't feel warm and fuzzy. He's a good dad, a good partner but he's massively frustrated me over the past few months with his own stuff, and that's collided with the real stress in my professional life. I feel like I've closed down. And like a quick 'pawing'/fumble which would usually get us in the mood now doesn't do it for me. I feel like I need more 'breaking down'. If that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense. If you're hacked off with him and it's not been resolved because you've had to put your irritation on the back burner while you try to cope with other pressures it's normal to feel slightly less accommodating. It's the old thing that 'you need to talk', apologies need to be made and accepted, and more effort all round in order to lance the resentment...

But we have talked, we do hug and have intimacy...i feel like we're ok. It's just me

It's unlikely to be 'just you'. You may have talked but there will be something you haven't articulated or resolved properly and it's chafing away at your subconscious like a stone in your shoe.