Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

how would you react....

20 replies

helsi · 21/03/2006 17:36

dh has come home from work after being out of the house since 7am. He has laid on the couch with a terrible headache just one word answers to dd. he has now taken hmself off to the bath then bed.

Part of me is thinking well he does feel ill but another part of me is annoyed that he can't make more effort with dd after not seeing her all day.

I am 33 weeks pg with bad SPD etc and am now having to do all teas, cleaning, and bathing, putting to bed etc on my own after being at home all day doing the entertaining of kids etc but do I whinge....NO (well aprt from this thread!)

Should I go with the sympathetic side of me and let it go? he has said he has had a headache every day for a week on and off.

OP posts:

nutcracker · 21/03/2006 17:38

I would be annoyed. After all he could just take a tablet for now and then have a soak and go to bed after he has had some time with dd.

spinach · 21/03/2006 17:38

tell him to go see the doc if hes had it for a week. completely understand why you're fed up... leave the cleaning for tonight... poor you.

moondog · 21/03/2006 17:38

Hmm,I would expect some negotiation (along the lines of 'Look i'm feeling dreadful.Do you mind if i go to bed? When I'm feeling better I'll do X Y and Z and you can put your feet up.')

To just go is shockingly bad and i would be pissed off.

Radley · 21/03/2006 17:38

Personally I wouldn't let it go, if dh is ill he always goes to bed and the kids are not allowed near, but when I am ill and go to bed he lets the kids run riot.

I would go up and tell him how you are feeling and ask him for some help.

Crystaltips · 21/03/2006 17:38

DO you have a spare room ....

I would put the kids to be - have a long bath and go to bed ( obviously in the spare room ) early and read a couple of mags ....

Look after yourself .... actions speak louder than words ...

Mazzystar · 21/03/2006 17:39

I would strongly suggest that he go to the docs and find out what's causing the headache.

bundle · 21/03/2006 17:39

if he's had a headache every day for a week he needs to see a doctor (he's also an arse btw, because your SPD is there all the time too )

Piffle · 21/03/2006 17:39

If he's usually really good then I'd leave him with sympathy, if he is often sat on his chuff, taking the easy way out... Then drag him up :)
Take him up some painkillers :)
Then tell him to dry the kids, while you're sorting tea maybe?

PiccadillyCircus · 21/03/2006 17:41

I say it depends how really awful the headache is. When DH has come home with a migraine, he has to go to bed.

Although it does annoy me as well (and I have been known to say that it's a good thing I don't get migraines )

Original poster

helsi · 21/03/2006 17:41

He has rung doctors and has an appt on Thursday am. I am just a bit narked as dd now asking where her daddy is. I have told her he is in the bath and she is now saying she wants to go in with him but he won't let her!! miserable bugga!

OP posts:

Eve2005 · 21/03/2006 17:48

no matter how sick my dp or i are we don't ignore our daughter, and we both suffer from migraines! also if one person is sick it shouldn't be taken for granted the other is the picture of health, you have SPD on top of being heavily preg FFS! i'd give him a piece of my mind, he's being an ass even if he is sick.

Isyhan · 21/03/2006 19:19

I think your all being a little harsh. Hasnt the man the right to be ill! Is he a wife beater? Is he a lazy lout? what are you implying? If hes ill hes ill? Dont you ever get ill? Have you considered it may be something more serious like a brain tumour? Sorry to be harsh but he may genuinely be feeling quite unwell.

sharklet · 21/03/2006 22:12

I'd be peeved. I'd try to be understanding - but under it I'd be seething. DH has tried to do this and I've alwyas given him a bit of time, made sure he's had a pain killer then sent DDin to see daddy even if its a cuddle with him and a pre bed story.

PiccadillyCircus · 22/03/2006 14:12

When DH came home last night, he had a migraine , but did make the effort to play with DS and DD (before collapsing into bed).

NomDePlume · 22/03/2006 14:19

helsi, I have to say that I suffer from severe migraines and it is genuinely more than I can do to keep my eyes open and food down. My migraines come in clusters too, I can go for a month without one but then I seem to have one continuously for 5/6 days. They are nightmarish and if this is what your DH has/had then I can understand why he just had to take himself to bed and sleep.

I'm sure my DH gets a bit frustrated when I disappear up to bed at 6pm one a month or so, but he understands that I have no choice. I feel bad enough about doing it without DH beating me over the head with it the morning after. Let it go.

diddle · 22/03/2006 14:39

I think if it were me, i would be very concerned about the headaches, glad to hear he's seeing the doctor, could just be that he needs to wear glasses for driving or using a pc if he does this for long periods.
I would calmly explain to your daughter that daddy is poorly and when he feels better he'll play with her more.
Can totally understand why you're annoyed, but would also feel sympathetic to him as well.

Sparklemagic · 22/03/2006 15:14

I get migraines too and I have to say, yes I have to go to bed on the happily now very rare occasion that I get one - however I certainly could not lie in the bath. If he's up to having a bath, he's up to seeing your DD in my view! If it's that bad, he would simply have to go straight to bed and hide under the covers!

MEN!

Original poster

helsi · 22/03/2006 19:59

Thanks all. In retrospect I think I was a bit harsh. DD ended up getting into the bath with him and he washed her and read her a bedtime story before collapsing into bed so I think I might have jumped the gun a bit.

OP posts:

Eve2005 · 22/03/2006 21:49

lol, at least he's not a total ass like we were giving him credit for

Original poster

helsi · 24/03/2006 18:14

he has been to doctor and it is stress related and high blood pressure. Doctor given him tablets for blood pressure and they are going to monitor it. he has to go back in a week and we have had a stressful couple of weeks with one thing and another.

OP posts:

Flip