disowning father

[nonono]

I am about to tell my Dad that he is no longer my father. My mother died after a short struggle with cancer. Now 8 months later I find out that in spite of all the weeping and wailing (and they had a long and happy marriage but mother always "joked" that he would do this), I find out that my dad has a female friend who is much more than just a friend.

I can't be wrong to disown him can I? I can't see him or talk to him if this other woman is real and would not want to. Mother was such a family woman and did everything for us and dad, she was always there for him when his business was failing including the lowest of the low type of job.

Sorry had to change my name but would really like to hear what your own feelings would be as I can't be wrong or can I? It's only been 8 months.

Don't make him have to choose between you & family & his partner. If he does remarry make sure he updates his will to include you & kids as previous wills are revoked by marriage & his second wife would get everything.

My mom died suddenly in early February. Honestly? If my dad started dating again now, I'd be a bit surprised. If it was later this year, I'd probably be ok about it. Well, no matter what, I'd be ok about it. He's a grown-up, life is short, he deserves company.

It doesn't mean whoever he dated would be a replacement for my mom. People aren't replaceable.

(My attitude is probably partly shaped by the fact that a) I know my mom would be ok about dad dating after she's dead, from other family events and b) I'd be happy for DH to date if I died.)

So I guess I don't understand why you're so angry. Do you think your dad mistreated your mom while she was alive? Is this some sort of betrayal, in your eyes?

So sorry for your loss but I think to disown your father for this is a big mistake. I could understand if he had been seeing this other woman while your mum was alive but he was not. what your mum said in jest "many a true word"- she knew him well. Just because he has found another special person does not mean he loves your mum any less or is not grieving for her.
I really believe we do not have the right to try and live another persons life for them- let your Dad be happy- he can love this other person and still love your mum but she is not here anymore.
Why not try to atlk to your Dad about how you feel- he may be able to ley you understand his feelings. Like others have said, we all grieve differently just be happy he is not alone to grieve.

Goodness - please don't do this.

Your dad may be just reaching out to someone - he may want companionship amd love and someone to hug him (and sex is part of grieving - the most primevil part - sort of wanting to procreate when someone has died!!)

Maybe your mother told him to find someone, get on with his lfe etc...

This isn't your business, he wouldn't have forgotten your mother and this doesn't mean that he didn't love her and still doesnt you know.

I have cut all ties with my father for ebing a complete bastard and was round best friends today when her dad popped in and I wanted to cry because I wanted that relationship with my dad - just a caring dad really - you will miss him you know and this really shouldn't change how you feel about him.

Th other thing that's occurred to me is that if you do disown your dad, you will have lost both parents within a very short space of time. Do you really want to inflict that upon yourself ?

i hope your father find true happiness after his loss of your mother. if that is with this woman then so be it.

your bound to feel betrayed an i understand this. however you have your family now. why shouldn't your father be allowed to laugh and love again? woudl you really see him grieving for years?

i think your being mean. your being very short sighted. you have someone to come home to, things to talk about, places to go with your family. your father presumably has his children. should be now live his life through his children? no, thats so not fair.

you should grieve your loss of someone who was very important to you rather than project your grief onto your father. he will always love your mother if he was a good man.

nonono - my honest gut feeling here? God knows if you are right or wrong but just please don't do this.

You've lost your mum. Please don't lose your dad too. (Sorry if that's brutal but lovely FIL died yesterday so I'm very aware of the need for family being around in spite of their flaws.)

All I can say right now is thank you to every one who has taken time to respond. I have to ask why do I feel that the only honest discussion I can have is with total strangers but MNetters always seem to be the best people to turn to. Mum always "joked" that dad would replace her quickly, how true she was time will tell. I am biting my tongue for now and having to make sure I don't let my children know the pain inside me right now. I still cry for my poor mother and now to find out this! I am well, words cannot explain right now but again thank you.