linguistic help needed - what do you call your man's love tool?

[YogaLite]

Had to name change..
I have a new lovely man in my life, but English is not my mother tongue and want to change the past, please inspire me with some suitable and nice - not rough - names..?

Thank heavens for y-pants, teddies - they cover a multitude of unwelcome sights sins

zigg zigg spunk trumpet, too crude??

thanks guys, I have now looked up the slang, not bad selection, tho some maybe at the rough end, but plenty to chose from :)

Admiraltea, great advice :) pretty much where I am now, great minds ;)

English was my ex's 3rd language. We always called his 'him' or 'he'. Seemed to go nicely with the whole gender grammar/language confusions My fango was "This is mine?" or 'she' or 'her'

Foreigners _

Oops. That's supposed to be a cute smiley face thing, not an underscore

I only ever say cock. Willy is childish and dick makes me feel like a simpering American porn star.

What would you say in your language if you were doing the sex? It might sound really sexy! I once shagged had relations with a polish guy and he use to talk dirty to me in polish. Well sexy. of course he might have been talking about steam trains for all I know

Darth Vader?

Little Mr. Monster.

Weenis.

He calls it his Duncan, after Duncan Goodhew the bald headed swimming champion of the 80's. It has kind of rubbed off on me now and I call it Duncan too.

No need for a swimcap, Lesley? I was musing earlier on whether todgers would look more appealing if they were wearing piano wigs and had painted on faces

Am I one of those weird few who quite likes the look of a lurve truncheon then?

The ex used to refer to his as "him" or "he", which I found a bit odd.

Anyway, it's "cock" all the way for me.

Spam javelin?

Dave

One of my old boyfriends called his "Nudger" Or "Little (his name)"

Ralph?

How about Kelvin Mckenzie?

BECAUSE HE'S A RIGHT MASSIVE FOOKING COCK, EH, EH?

Laughing at Purple Headed Womb Ferret and Ralph - two of my faves! Showing my age too (Judy blume!)

Didn't whatsisface in Sex and the City call it his 'schooner'? And Charlotte called her fanny Rebecca? It's all a bit weird to me.

Cock is the best, especially when precede by an suitable adjective.

Alternatives:

John Thomas
One Eyed Trouser Snake
Wang
Dingaling
Wodger/Todger
Old Man
Best Friend
Wang
....etc

Penis.

I am obviously very dull

I just go with the names. penis. vagina. vulva. testicles. scrotum.

I may have to start calling it his Wing Wang Goolies. but not talking. singing. wing wang goolie goolie goolie goolie wantcha, wing wang woo, wing wang woo...

It'll be worth it for the look on his face. won't even begin to cover it

I changed goo to woo. cos some things should never be said at 10 past 7 in the morning...

izzyizin agree on the decoration. I did once use a felt tip pen on a flaccid one, popped his glasses on top and took a photo. He was prone to falling asleep a lot

"The Boys".

As in

"The boys played away / a blinder / like crap last night."

During dirty talk its usually cock.

Otherwise it is his widge or his widgy. Because we're that juvenile.

There's a rather apt Monty Python song about this which could help you, which obviously whilst at work I cannot possibly google to post a link

However...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
Its swell to own a stiffy
Its devine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the worlds biggest prick

So 3 cheers for your willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, you're wife's best friend
Your Percy or your cock
You can tie it up in ribbons or stick it in your sock
But don't take it out in public or they will put you in the dock
And you won't. Come. Back.

Is it wrong that I just typed that from memory