He's gone, why do I feel so calm/strong?

[ObscuredByClouds]

Finally snapped and told him to go after being berated for not being enthusiastic enough about collecting dsd. He's been off work for 3 weeks and I've literally done everything not just in the house, working full time, caring for DCs etc but also caring for and loving him whilst he is off work. But I'm lazy/selfish/am unhappy in marriage/want it to end according to him.

He always threatens to go and calls me names if we disagree, picks out anything negative out if all the positives we have, to focus on and (metaphorically) beat me with.

I snapped. I threw my tea cup on the floor. I told him home truths. I told him to leave.

He said 'ok then' and got up and left.

This is it, I don't want him back. His comes I feel so calm and strong? I thought I'd be in bits.

Bag his stuff up.
He wants to hear you beg and plead for him to stay, or turn up to 'collect his stuff in the hopes that you will see his mug and realise 'how much you really do love him and what a big mistake you're making' ..
Classic.
If he finds it bagged up ready it will blow his mind that you actually really did mean it and want him out. He will probably then either get angry and refuse to leave, or start sobbing his heart out ect.
Agree with ergo you will feel good and shitty alternately as you remember good times and wonder if you can ever get that back, and the bad times soften and fade from existence when you aren't dealing with them being in your face.

Am sorry to say that due to his behaviour and him seemingly wanting to internally destroy your relationship, that you will find out there is an OW somewhere. Sorry x

You will get a lot of support here on the 'downtimes' x

Thank you all. Like I said, physically I'm not sure he'd manage an OW lol! But nothing would surprise me any more.

Thanks for your support. The wave of nausea/wobbliness I felt earlier has eased but I know it won't be the last time I feel it. Thank you again x

Any big decision results in what the sales trainers call 'Buyer's Remorse'. Buy a house, buy a car, conceive a child, break up with a partner..... you sign on the dotted line and at some point there is an 'OMG what have I done?!?!' moment. The bigger the decision, the more expensive the item, the bigger the wobble. It's why contracts often come with a cooling off period and why after-sales service is vital. With emotional decisions it's just yourself running diagnostic checks that you're not acting too impulsively or making a mistake. Every time you wobble, therefore, reassure yourself of the rationale leading up to the decision. Good luck

I wish i had known the above when i chucked DP over his affair and had him back, repeated this pattern many times because i just wasn't sure of myself, self confidence really low and positive i stayed with him because i couldn't get on MN and get this support

Thats a brilliant 'nail on the head' post ergo

Cog, that is a brilliant analogy. Please use it again, repeatedly.

In the sales environment the salesman's job is to keep reassuring the customer they've made the right decision when they get the wobbles. In a break-up situation where emotions are running high, the dumped partner is often trying to do the exact opposite.... exploiting the doubt and so on. It's why it helps to tell others about things like affairs, even if it's embarrassing. Provides balance.

Cogito that is really useful. I've thrown DH out twice since I found out about his adultery in July but both times I've let him come back after a few days
I had wobbles and now I realise that they are perfectly normal.

My wobbles in.the immediate run up to letting abusive ex leave were physically and literally excruciating.

Reminding myself of the why kept me strong. The truth really does set.you free.

Great analogy Cogito!

Obscured, you said uthread that you caant make him happy.

I dont think anyone can make him happy.

Cog I have cut and pasted your post 'Any big decision....'(hope you don't mind) and put it in a word document and will print it out later to carry with me when I am feeling weak/ uncertain or just plain fed up I will take it out and remind myself! Thanks. I am also feeling calm and focused at the moment and just want it all to get 'normal ' again, it will happen and I will be a better person for having gone through it!

Brillaint posts cog