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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend or Foe? and how the fuck do i get her to back off?

38 replies

toptramp · 25/09/2012 19:29

I have this 'friend' and she seems like she's competing with me over my romantic life/ For example last year when my mum was dying I was having trouble with my then boyfriend. Said 'friend' was there for me but then took great delight in befriending horrid boyfriend on Facebook and telling me he had asked her out. 2 days before my mum had died. She also told she had flirted with another of my exes at a party.
I confronted her and told her I felt she was treading on my toes but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. In the meantime she dated a man that her friend had told her not to chase as it was her friend's ex. She chased him. Her friend fell out with her and got very angry and was vicious and turned lots of people against her. She is having ongoing problems with him which imo are self inflicted. She is so jealous of his ex (and her ex best mate) as she feels that her ex friend is prettier and better dressed than her. She calls her 'perfect'. I feel like she was competing with her through men.
Fast fowrd. I have a new man who lives abroad. Thois 'mate' has booked a holiday in the exact same town where he lives after I came back from hols in love and telling everyone as you do. We didn't even meet in his hometown so it wasn't just a recommendation.
He is coming to visit half term and there is no way I am going to introduce them . He wouldn't look twice at her but she would do her flirty thing. I just don't like teh way she seems 'on it' with every man I have. She has no boundaries. If any other mate booked a holiday in his town I wouldn't bat an eyelid but because of her track history with going for mate's men I feel abit suspicious. Plus it smacks of taking the copying thing a bit too far.

OP posts:
worldcitizen · 25/09/2012 22:31

toptramp cut your losses, this is not the time to feel sorry for someone for the sake of some good times together....another example of how much you can trust your red flag alarm button going off...

toptramp · 25/09/2012 22:35

Have blocked her and if she asks me why I'm ignoring her I'll tell her that she knows why.

OP posts:
worldcitizen · 25/09/2012 22:37

Remember don't get engaged too much and don't let her rope you back in Smile

toptramp · 25/09/2012 22:49

Another mutual friend has told me that she thinks that she is mentally ill and I do think she is which makes me feel a bit shit as I have been there but I am not her psychiatrist and I cannot be close to someone who has no boundaries.

OP posts:
worldcitizen · 25/09/2012 23:03

toptramp if you've been there yourself, then you know how important it is for others around you to not drag you along for all the wrong reason...plus you are talking about your own happiness and friendship needs here.

izzyizin · 25/09/2012 23:52

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Blocking her has only served to put her notice and you may not be find out what she's up to - ok, so that may not concern you at this moment in time, but I'd rather be in a position to keep an eye on anyone who had the ability to threaten my security.

Twonker · 26/09/2012 00:00

Izzy, I'm not sure. Advising op to keep this friend close is not going to free her from her skanky influence. Don't waste energy on someone who will learn pretty quick that she won't get a rise from op?

toptramp · 26/09/2012 07:49

S unblock or keep blocked? My main reson for blocking is that my beau is on Facebook and if i\ block she can't befriend him like she normally does!

OP posts:
Lueji · 26/09/2012 07:59

Tbh, I think you should feel sorry for her.
She seems to have very low self esteem if she is after friends' leftovers.

And if the men cheat then they are low lives.

I wouldn't play games with her of the "you know why" variety.

If pushed then briefly explain that she has hurt you in the past by xxx and you feel you can't trust her because of holiday, etc. That you prefer not to be friends and expect no further contact.
Then ignore any further contact.

toptramp · 26/09/2012 16:55

Thanks all. I am sad to losse a friend but happy that she (hopefully) won't be in my life any more.

OP posts:
HollaAtMeBaby · 26/09/2012 17:01

Keep her blocked! You'll keep yourself if you unblock her and she adds your boyfriend...

HollaAtMeBaby · 26/09/2012 17:02

*kick yourself, even Blush

something2say · 26/09/2012 18:31

I posted on your other thread TopTramp and I sorry to hear the latest, but want you to know that this sort of thing does happen, and you have done the right thing.

I wouldn't bother worrying about facebook. The bare facts are - you think she will screw you over given half a chance, you have deleted her as a friend and soon she will know about it. And what? What did she think would happen? Its OK for her to know this, its ok for it to be overt and on the table clearly for all to see. I would try to avoid a show down of any sort, but if it comes to one, say your piece and go. It'll pass over soon enough.

Women competing over men is sad behaviour, and we don't need it anymore. She is using you to feel better about herself, so your withdrawal of that will mean she either has to feel better about herself in genuine ways, or she will move on. Sad but true.

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