Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does he mean when he says he 'needs space'?

35 replies

neva · 25/09/2012 18:24

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 4 years.

Over the past 18 months a pattern has emerged where he comes to my place Saturday evening, leaves Sunday evening. We can't meet midweek as we live quite far apart and he starts work very early in the morning. Every Saturday he takes part in a sporting activity that takes up the whole day.

Things have been (occasionally) difficult lately mainly because I feel as though I need to spend more time with him. A whole weekend would be lovely every now and then, but when I mention this, he sees it that I am aiming to get him to drop the sport which I'm not. I'm pleased he is keeping fit and has this activity which he enjoys, it just that as things are it is so limiting. We hardly ever go out for an evening or a day, never visit family together, because there isn't any time. I would just like him to be a bit flexible every now and again. It makes me really sad that no sooner have I got comfortable with him, than he's off again.

We still have a lot of good times, but last w/e was not good. The issue makes me a bit cross, and last w/e I have to admit I was not a great person to be with, for which I did apologise.

Now he has texted and told me he doesn't want to see me at all next weekend, he needs space. He did add his usual 'X' to the text. I haven't replied. I suppose I should just leave it and hope he calms down. It's really upsetting, and really frustrating that he hasn't even given us a chance to talk about it. In the past we have always made up in about 3 seconds flat and I am 100% sure we could again.

OP posts:
Ginda · 25/09/2012 19:53

OP, my relationship is much like yours. DP and I have a good time but only at weekends. Although we live a way apart, tbh he could easily move in if he wanted but he doesn't want, so he says the commute is too far (it would be one hour fifteen mins - same as my commute!).

For a long time I really thought he was The One. But have realised that he is just passing time while he sorts out more pressing areas of his life. It's depressing. I know I should give him the heave-ho but I enjoy being together (for the limited time we are) and don't want to be alone. But I'll never meet The REAL One while I spend every weekend with this one. Something has to happen.

No helpful advice but lots of unMumsnetty hugs. You sound like you could do better than this chap.

HellonHeels · 25/09/2012 19:54

Sorry neva Sad for you.

It does sound like you might both have different expectations of the relationship. Have you got real life support to get you through the next few weekends?

izzyizin · 25/09/2012 19:56

It seems that he rocks up on Saturday evening, watches a bit of sport on tv, has a shag, and gets his Sunday lunch cooked for him before departing.

Or does he take you out on Saturday nights and cook Sunday lunches for you, or take you for a leisurely pub lunch with the newspapers before he goes home?

susiedaisy · 25/09/2012 19:58

I think op he's given you as much as he is every going to and you need to decide if its enough, it wouldn't be for me, but don't stay with him just because it took you a while to find someone and you don't want to be on your own, that in itself isn't enough to build a future IMO

Opentooffers · 25/09/2012 21:11

In 4 years things have not progressed. It's time to assess if you are willing to settle for it continuing the same as. Sounds like you want more but long-distance relationships usually end up with one moving nearer to the other, or both settling for occasional meet-ups long-term.

Notcontent · 25/09/2012 21:50

Neva - I think it's natural that you would want to see him more. As others have said, don't chase him and see what happens. If he wants space, let him have it! You sound lovely and deserve better.

I am sending you a hug, because I am having a pretty crap evening myself.

Original poster
neva · 25/09/2012 21:58

Ginda hugs for you too. He did make an effort last w/e and spent an extra night with me. I think that's why he was disappointed because he made the effort and I was a bit 'unfriendly' because these short snippets of time are hard for me to deal with emotionally. What he is doing now could simply be a quid pro quo.

OP posts:
Original poster
neva · 25/09/2012 22:23

Notcontent, hope tomorrow is better for you. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 25/09/2012 23:50
(any excuse to link it!)
Original poster
neva · 26/09/2012 19:43

Annie that is so appropriate. Will be listening when I need a good cry but hoping things do not turn out as in the song!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page