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Original poster

Is this just the way blokes talk/text or should I read more into it?

50 replies

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 12:00

So going out with boyfriend on Friday night for a few drinks. I've just text him to say I can get an all night babysitter so I can stay over at his house if he wants me to. He replied "yeah if you want" he then sent a follow up text with a few kisses and that's it (it seemed like he realised the first text sounded a bit off so thought he'd better follow it up with kisses!).

So is this just the way blokes talk/text or should I read from that that he doesn't really want me to stay the night?

OP posts:

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 14:23

Well it is normally the texting that is hot and cold but sometimes he is in real life too. One night he'll be all over me - another night it's like we're just mates but I suppose when you've been together a while, it's not going to be wild passion everytime you meet up is it?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't expect him to jump for joy or shout from the hilltops that I'd offered to stay at his house but a bit of enthusiasm would have been nice? or at least some indication that he actually wanted me to.

Anyway after his "that sounded a bit grumpy didn't it" text I replied "yep, it did a bit". He then replied with a bit more enthusiasm about the night but it seemed really false by this time. Like he knew he'd pissed me off so thought he'd better show a bit of excitement.

Anyway I've just text him back saying the babysitter was fine with it but we can make it another night, no probs. Hate feeling like I'm pushing myself onto him.

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 25/09/2012 14:30

I still would be a bit if you've only been together a few months op.

ClippedPhoenix · 25/09/2012 14:31

Doesn't sound like he's too bothered OP. Fine if it's ok with you, if it's not (which it doesn't appear to be) I'd cool it all down and either it will fizzle out or he may make a bit more effort.

I'd not invest any more emotional energy into this at the moment.

By the way, what he's doing wouldn't sit well with me either.

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 14:31

You've only been together a few months though? You shouldn't be like mates, you should feel like his gf. I'll be honest, this sounds a bit crappy to me, but obv it is hard to judge with not much to go on.

Pagwatch · 25/09/2012 14:35

As Numberlock says, it shouldn't be ths hard work this early on.

I would cool off massively from a bloke who was so [meh] that I felt like I was forcing myself on him.
Life's too short for such bollocks.

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 14:41

he met my children at the weekend

You don't think this has anything to do with it, OP? Presumably things were going great for you to introduce him to your kids fairly early on in the relationship.

Does he have kids too?

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 14:44

Well the meeting with the kids went really well and since then he's been on about doing more stuff with the kids. He suggested us all going to cinema together tomorrow night and asked if he could spend bonfire night with us.

I can't quite put my finger on it. There is something in the back of my mind saying all is not well but I don't really know why.

OP posts:

littlebluechair · 25/09/2012 14:47

Listen to that voice i your head, I think when we look back there was oftens omething slightly odd we ignored and wish we hadn't!

ClippedPhoenix · 25/09/2012 14:50

I'd also keep the kids out of things for now OP. Not blaming you one little bit but I'd not involve them anymore.

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 14:54

There is something in the back of my mind saying all is not well

In that case, I'd make a polite excuse to postpone the cinema trip and see how things pan out over the next few days, particularly with regards to the date on Friday and you staying over at his (or not). Take a back seat and let him contact you next.

On the one hand he's making all the right noises - meeting the kids went well, planning 'family' stuff with them - but if there's something that's telling you it's not quite right, trust your instinct and see how you feel in a week or so.

kettlecrisps · 25/09/2012 15:01

Over 25 years ago my M&D had lots of building work on house and we had the same set of builders there for over six months.

I would offer cups of tea when I was home. One builder in particular used to say "I don't mind" with a whimsical Scottish lilt. He said that every single time.

You never knew whether he actually wanted tea or not. Then he'd just nod when you put the tea down. So still you didn't know whether he wanted tea or not. It was just all "off key" somehow. I felt as if HE thought he was doing ME a favour by letting me make HIM some tea!

Do you see where I'm coming from? That was 25 years ago and I've had many life experiences since, I wouldn't say I was stewing on this. But, strangely the irritation is still easy to recall - "just say what you friggin' mean FFS".

Now, if I offered someone the pleasure of my company overnight and received a similar response. Well, I can barely type for spluttering...

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 15:10

Yeah the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get by it. Ok so it was just a text - but it's the wording.

"yeah if you want" - kinda implies that he's doing me a favour by allowing me to stay the night. Even if he was busy and only had time for a quick one liner - why not something like "yeah great! x" - that's the kind of reply I've had other times.

Anyway he's not replied to my text suggesting we do it another time instead - I am imagining him sat there trying to work out the best way to say "yeah, another time" without getting into more 'trouble'.

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/09/2012 15:14

I'm sorry but to text that is quite rude. I am not a bloke to say what he really thought texting that (probably not much as I was enlightened by male friends in the past) but I can't imagine sending such text yo anyone unless i'm having an argument with them.

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 15:14

Anyway he's not replied to my text suggesting we do it another time instead

God help him if he replies "Yeah if you like"

Oh and I'm loving your straight-talking style kettle.

susiedaisy · 25/09/2012 15:19

take things at your pace op, usually that niggling voice in the back of our heads are right it's just take time to become apparent, a relationship that's only several months old should be fresher and more enthusiastic IMO

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 15:20

Oh I'd see red Numberlock!!

DrinkFeck - I also see it as being quite a rude/argument style response. I couldn't imagine someone sending me a message telling me they'd arranged to spend the full night with me and me replying "yeah if you want" - infact, I could imagine sending that IF I was pissed with them for something and didn't particularly fancy spending the night with them.

OP posts:

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 15:30

Woops, turns out he replied an hour ago, stupid bloody phone decided not to tell me

So he's saying he wants to spend the whole night with me, was just worried about us putting on the babysitter (my ex MIL). He seems to have a thing about putting on her. Goes on about it all the time.

OP posts:

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 15:39

I refer you to kettle above:

just say what you friggin' mean FFS.

OK, well you got to the bottom of it. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, go ahead with the "sleepover" but be aware of your underlying gut feeling.

Does he have children too?

ClippedPhoenix · 25/09/2012 15:43

He just doesn't sound the one for you OP. What's he going on about you putting babysitting on your MIL for all the time? Does he think you should lessen contact with her?

Original poster

MuckyRedSheet · 25/09/2012 15:51

Yes he has two children from previous marriage. This is one of his 'issues', he's obsessed with the idea of upsetting them by becoming involved in a 'new' family. I can understand that but what is the alternative? for him to be alone forever? his youngest is 15 so it won't be long before they're independent anyway. Not that I'm wishing them away of course, I just understand why he can't relax more. He's told the kids about me and they're fine with it!

Phoenix - I'm not sure why he keeps on about it, he mentioned it the other day too saying that if he could spend more time around my kids, we'd have to rely on her much less. Maybe it is a problem for him that I'm so close to my ex's mum but he swears it isn't. Another reason maybe that he likes to take me away on long weekends at last minute and MIL is the one we rely on for that - maybe he's worried that if we piss her off, we'll forfeit our trips away.

OP posts:

ClippedPhoenix · 25/09/2012 15:53

He just seem a bit of an odd kettle of fish doesn't he. Dismissive one minute yet doubly concerned the next.

Numberlock · 25/09/2012 15:57

He's told the kids about me

... but presumably you've not met them yet (whereas he's met yours)?

Does his ex-wife have a new partner?

OneMoreChap · 25/09/2012 16:13

poor git

He's not that bothered [Contrast with he's needy]
Short text replies [Contrast with he's texting constantly]
He doesn't seem that bothered [he's anxious]

Ring him up for goodness' sake!

Oh, and he's obsessed with the idea of upsetting them by becoming involved in a 'new' family. I can understand that but what is the alternative? for him to be alone forever? his youngest is 15 so it won't be long before they're independent anyway. Not that I'm wishing them away of course,

I think you mean he's a nice man who cares about his kids... and I wonder if you'd be so happy if he said "Gar, your kid's 15, not long till they're independent..."

ClippedPhoenix · 25/09/2012 16:19

Sounds a bit wet to me.

nannyof3 · 25/09/2012 16:23

Ha.. My DP replied this only today..

It annoys me, but means 'if thats what you want to do, I'm happy too'

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