Looking for escorts.. am thinking time to go

[MamaMaiasaura]

I have been on the pc tonight and after typing in the initial M for mumsent was greeted with reams of pages for escort agencies that it apppears by dp has been brwosing.. in so far as emailing them (came up as a page) and checking prices, rules etc.

We have had issues on and off for a while now and have posted before about him.

Thing is he isnt agressive, doesnt seem vinditive either. We had a dodgy incident when i had too much to drink and he took advantage but that it is it and he has since told me that he thought i wanted him too and read me wrong.

We arent married, been together a little over 2 years, live together and he has a fab relationship with my son.

It seems if it doesnt rain it pours.

If he is planing on seeing an escort I feel completely betrayed.

:( bump

so sorry for you finding this out .For me personally it would mean the end of my relationship but years ago my mum found out my stepdad had seen an escort a couple of times and they went to counselling and are still together.
have you told him what youve found ?

I think you need to discuss this with him.

Be prepared for him to become incredibly defensive and probably think you have been deliberately checking on him. (Not suggesting you have).

You need to decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving over this incident and take it from there.

I haven't deliberately checked on him but I now feel like I have and I am in the wrong iykwim.

If it is true am not convinced this rel will work at all as trust would be broken, although i feel like i have broken his by knowing.

HE is out right now and has no idea. Thing is he was really affectionate tonight.. as in smiley and came in for a hug etc.

i think you have to talk to him -its just going to be going round in your head otherwise .He may think looking at escort info is doing nothing wrong but you need to tell him how it makes you feel and go from there

I think you're only been together two years that it's very soon for these issues to appear. And it's not somthing you can accept - you need to really sit down and talk to him, and decide if he lies or tries to make it acceptable are you willing to accept it as a part of your relationship?

I asked him last night about it, he said he was curious and that was all. Thing is there are a LOT of sites he looked at incl prices and rules etc.

I didnt get emotionally and said i am not trying to embarrass or accuse but feel hurt and betrayed and am not sure that the trust i sgoing to be there.

We will talk more tonight.

There is a chance that he is just curious and it is part of some personal fantasy he has, or it could be leading to something more damaging. The problem is that you don't know for sure which one it is . I think having discussed it with him you have to go with your instincts. Do you trust him, did you feel he was being honest with you when he said it was just curiousity ?

Not sure what to think at all. You have described what i am thinking but my instincts are split. I am trying remove the emotion from it all tho so that i can make the best choice. I think if it is going to end it isnt going to be tonight when we talk (although he might always end it). I dont want to rush a decision.

My fear is what is the next stage. When we first got together he would look at porn occasioanlly (i am a prude and cant look at porn as i disagree that it is done willingliy and happily by the girls). Anyhow, he was reasonalbly discreet, then his interested increased and i asked him to try and keep it discreet. THen finding thins makes me think there is alot more going on iykwim. I am frightened to think of the next stage although i may be being dramatic.

You've got to tread carefully, but go with your instincts and what you feel is best for you. I was in a relationship with my ex-fiancee for 7 years. He was addicted to porn, making calls to 0898 numbers and all sorts. Eventually - in just such an innocnet way as you have - I found out he was advertising himself on some website looking for swinging partners and all sorts of other kinky stuff.

I was never happy about any of it, when I knew about the porn. He lied to me about the calls when the phone bill came - he even wrote a letter of complaint to BT about it, then I came home and found him calling one of these numbers - it was kind of obvious iykwim

Allowing it to go on and not addressing how unhappy I was meant my self esteem slowly became shot to pieces. My weight ballooned and I became depressed and binge eating. Eventually he strated treating me like the doormat I had become and got violent.

When we broke up the weight felll off with no effort, I suddenly found I had a life back and was attractive and funny and clever and people did like me.

Sorry for waffling but I suppose what i am trying to say is its a slippery slope and if your not happy now think carefully, choose your words well and if your not happy to feel this way for the rest of your life about how he treats you then do some serious thinking.

Sharklet, thank you so much for your post. IT addresed all my worst fears too.

Last night after little one asleep he was very apologetic ad thanked me for not blowing up at him in an emotional way (tbh all my emotion just vanished - self defense mechanisim). Anyway, he said he had thought alot about it all and tried very hard to put himself in my shoes. He said he never meant to hurt me at all and that he would never go see an escort. He said he loved me and found me as a person lvable and very attractive. Although in typical bloke fashion he said he did fancy me a lot when i 'did my self up!' cheeky git. Basically he doesnt find the baggy pj's, big pants a turn on. At least he is honest i suppose, but i like being all comfy!

And i suppose he looks like George Clooney 24/7?

chewbacca maybe