Hello
To set the scene, dh, ds and I are spending 5 days in Belgium where my parents live.
This afternoon the 3 of us went out to buy some replacement rubber bits for our windscreen wipers and after that popped into the supermarket next door to get tomatoes for my parents.
We got into the supermarket and I left dh and ds in the stereos aisle saying I'd be back in a minute and went about 4 aisles down to the toy aisle. I probably spent a little too long there (about 10 to 15 minutes) after which I went back to the stereos aisle. Dh and ds were no longer there so I looked over the whole supermarket (a very big one) and could see them nowhere. I knew at this point I was going to get it in the neck from dh but I suddenly developed a desperate need to go to the toilet. I didn't buy tomatoes either because I wanted to get a couple of other things and also wanted to ask dh about buying a frying pan I'd seen.
Sorry if this story is very boring.... There was no toilet in the supermarket so I had to (and really HAD to because I really couldn't wait a minute longer) go across miles of car park to find Quick (equivalent of McDonalds) where there was one. I then went back to the supermarket and found dh and ds on the outside of the tills with ds on one of the toy cars but it was not working as we didn't have any euro coins on us. I hadn't looked there before rushing to the toilet. I looked at dh to judge his mood towards me and it wasn't terribly good but nor was it terrible. I told him I was going back into the supermarket to get the tomatoes. He wasn't happy about this but accepted it. I left ds a banana and should have left him his water but didn't think of that.
I went round the supermarket, got a few things and came back to find dh and ds still in the same place with a woman waiting with her kid.
Dh said to me that she'd been waiting a long time and I asked him how it was my problem meaning I hadn't been there so how could I have taken ds out of the car....
She then started having a go at me about it in English (I think she was scandinavian) saying that if my ds was just going to sit in the car could hers go on. My first reaction was well why are you asking me that since I wasn't here. She didn't answer that. I should have left it at that and just got ds out but when she carried on I said about ds being 2 and she blabbed on about her son being 18 months old... I said I would get him out but not by making him cry and she said something about bringing up my son better at which point I told her to mind her manners and got ds out.
I was really annoyed by this because basically I had only just got there so why on earth had she not said something to dh. Plus I was mega annoyed with dh for not saying anything at all to her during this whole interchange as he was the one who had been there. He then said to me afterwards that in fact she'd only been waiting for a couple of minutes. When I asked him why he hadn't said anything he said he didn't want to get involved in a bitchy common fight. At another point when I said I was annoyed about getting it in the neck from her he said I deserved to (ie. because I'd taken so long). We then had a fight on the way home. The whole trip (including wipers) from beginning to end took one and a half hours he was complaining. He made no allowances whatsoever for my emergency trip to the toilet or the fact that I had looked for him all over the supermarket. Apparently I should have known that ds and he were at the toy car. He called me a cow at one point and I find this particularly humiliating because I am 6 months pregnant and cannot understand how someone can call the person their second child names. He also told me to sod off at some point at which point I told him that I would but couldn't.
I can understand that he was annoyed being stranded etc.... but it was not intentional on my part. Certainly not for so long. What adds to my anger is that it's not as if he hasn't done that kind of thing to me in Brent Cross for example.
I feel very annoyed that he couldn't take ds off the car but had to wait for me to do it apparently, and then that he didn't support me in any way when this self-righteous woman started having a go. It was like being hit in the dark because I did not know the whole situation and was not expecting anything. I am normally considerate of other people who want to go on things and know when our time is up on toys and I will pull ds off if I have to but in this case I had just got there and had NO idea how long she had been there or what dh had been doing.
His anger about me taking a long time I am used to because dh can be very impatient etc... and at 12 years older than me sometimes behaves like a crotchety old man (he is 47 to my 34). The fact that he remained completely mute during the silly argument and that he then told me I deserved to get it in the neck I cannot forgive and if you asked me tonight whether I would still be with him if it weren't for ds and number 2 on the way I would definitely say no. The lure of peaceful freedom from moaning would be too strong. I am also annoyed that we were then shouting at each other in front of ds in the car whom at one point got a little upset but otherwise was okay.
Anyway, if you have made it this far I am impressed. Please don't be harsh with me (but please be honest) because I don't think I could take it....