Do your parents think they know it all? - Rant!

[chocolateshoes]

Grrr! My dad is driving me up the wall! DS - nearly 9mths is my parents 1st grandchild & they are made up. But my Dad will not listen when I try to show him how things work & snaps at me ' I know how to do it' every time. He went to lift DS out of new car seat, & I said that I found it easier to tip him towards me...'I know I know' he snaps. They baby sat yesterday lunchtime & I tried to show him how to work the stair gates & the monitor....you can guess his reponse. When we got home neither gate was shut properly, & they appear to have broken the monitor!!!!!

I'm very keen for them to play an active role & I would like DS to be close to his grandparents but they are slowly driving me up the wall.

Is it just me?

This is tricky - could you ask your dad to build some furniture or something to keep him busy plus let him show he knows it all! Perhaps he might start to listen eventually.

Yes they're annoying even when they're keen.....every person we're related to over the age of 50 has -

1. scoffed at any mention of routine
2. suggested that DS should be potty trained by 1 yr old
3. suggested the 'my way or the highway' approach to childrearing
4. failed to stick to any agreement on buying gifts
5. failed to stick to any request to limit sugar intake

And a few have suggested the use of alcohol as a pacifier! Nearly all complained about our choice of name within a week of DS being born.

Not one feels they have anything to learn.

Can't offer any guidance...learning as I go along but finding them all a bigger challenge than DS.

Am anticipating major issues with sugar as well. At the moment he only eats what I take with us when we go, but I know as he gets older they will try to give him all sorts of cake etc.

learn from the experience - you now know what kind of grandparent you don't want to be. :O

Seriously though I think that this is so so common. And it's so frustrating when others think they know aest, especially when it involves your child. Maybe worth saying "yes I'm sure you do know, but just humour me and let me show you anyway?" That way you aren't telling them they don't know what they're doing, but are enabling yourself to show them how you want it done.

good luck

That's a good reply WannaBe - tactful but gets to the point!

I remember my dads wife giving my ds chocolate buttons when he was dairy free and raising her eyebrows when i tried to put a stop to it ( f- off its MY child!)pardon my francais

If it's any consolation my FIL broke our travel cot trying to dismantle it, after we'd told him to leave it and we'd do it when we got there. I was really but DH is a wimp and let it go.

I like wannabe's approach.

Most of the time it's not even what they say so much as the faces they make. You know the 'oh-well-if-you -think-that's-best' face.
I'm sick to death of having to justify EVERYTHING that I do.
arrrrgggg
now you got me started.......

i guess they are just thinking that they have been parents longer than we have!

It's amazing i have managed to keep my ds's alive as long as i have. My mum is always saying things like' you will give him his medicine won't you' and 'ooh is that safe?(worried expression)
if she comes with us to the park she spends half her time wincing and covering her eyes( because of all the risks i let them take!)
it's only because she loves them! i'm confident in my parenting, so i don't let it get to me-too much!!!

i could really start ranting here,so forgive me if i do!!my mother is the most annoying person ever!well,her and my MIL are as bad as each other but as i dont see MIL very often,i can just about put up with her!!
my ds1 has behavioural probs,epilepsy and is blind in one eye.everyone knows how well kids manipulate grandparents,but my ds is a master in the art of shtstirring!!(hes 14)left him with my mum one day as i had a hospital appointment when was pg last time.ds has rispiradone daily,and has to avoid sugary foods aswell.(sends him round the bend!)left all the instructions with my mum,who said 'i do know how to look after kids you know!' as we left!(she dumped me on my nanna when she left my dad when i was little,my dad had my brothers and i was brought up by my nanna,so obviously she does know how to bring up kids-you dump em on other people!!)anyway,we got back,ds was hysterical!he told my mum that he didnt need his tablets as he had already had them,he told her he was allowed to have coca cola,skittles and starburst sweets,he told her he is allowed on his playstation all* day 'mum lets me' was what he said to most of the things he wanted.my mum gave him everything!he also enjoyed telling her afew things that me and dh have said about her,obviously we didnt think he was listening,but he did the 'mum said this about you grandma'.she complained when we got back as he was 'climbing up and down the furniture and jumping evrywhere' and when i said it was down to the fact that she hadnt done what i had asked her to i got 'well,if you feel like that i wont look after him anymore!'she also gave dd1 brandy when she was teething!!she said it 'would ease her gums' didnt want dd becoming and alcoholic so told her not to do it again!!
my MIL does her best in telling me how i should bring my kids up,and looks down her nose,shakes her head when i say something negative about their behaviour!she enjoys telling me my bad points in parenting,to which i had a row with her as she is another who left her kids with their dad when she had had enough!!(i once lost my rag with her,told her to mind her own business and that i would never walk out and leave my kids motherless like she did!didnt go down very well,and she didnt speak to me for 3 years!)
sorry your having trouble aswell,and sorry for ranting!!

Glad to know I'm not the only one! That's why I love Mumsnet!

In (sort of)defense of grandparents, well, not all of them, obviously just me really!! I think it's more about the sort of person you are, do you embrace change and technological progress or hark back to the mythical good old days. I'm suprised that anyone under 70 feels that new things and ways of thinking are beyond them.(My ex used to say 'I've never changed, and I'll never change'in such a self-satisfied way that I embraced change whole-heartedly!!!)

I personally love all the new products available, Bumbo, for example and would not dream of doing anything my dd & her dp would disapprove of. We discuss how to bring children up lots, I suppose it's easy cos we share same values re manners, food & eating, social skills etc.
Tho with the 9 year-old we have late nights at mine watching videos with popcorn and icecream, and we pretend it's really naughty and don't tittle-tattle on each other.
I'm sure I drive her mad in many ways, I am her mum and it's part of my role, but I can't imagine wanting to undermine her parenting in any way.(If I sound sanctimonious, feel free to shoot me down!!)

Ok I give in, you do think I'm sanctimonious.....just slinking away now.....

No No No! I don't! Just hadn't looked at this thread! Its sounds like you are doing a brilliant job & your daughter is very lucky!

lol my mum thinks shes the bee bits and knows everything my dad is really cool...

things she has said include...

'I was in more pain during your birth than you just watching'?????

'I love your dd more than you do'????

'I think that your dh is too involved with the baby...you wont bond'????

After a good telling she apologises and says she didn't mean it the way she said it! I was resigned to the fact that she was having her menopause and was offically Bonkers ...but now she actually has her menopause she seems much better!!!

I listened to all the advice I was given and promptly ignored it!!

You're his Little Girl and shouldn't be telling him how to do stuff :)

Sit down woith your mum and explain how you feel to her. As a twist on Wannabe's suggestion, get her to have a word with your dad implying you're a neurotic mother and need humouring.