Relationship with dp rocky since our dd born

[WillowsTree]

Not really sure where to start. Don't actually have a group of friends in RL to talk to and my family are even more distant with me since dd was born. Apologies in advance if long winded, and I know my situation is trivial compared to what some women have to deal with...

Been with dp 4 years, planned a baby once we bought our first house together, feel pregnant straight away once we started trying and thought everything was turning out pretty perfectly. Was really such during pregnancy but dp was, well, a total arse! Didn't understand how I felt and didn't try, had me in tears a lot cos I foolishly thought he would want to take care of me. Not a romantic at all! But things got better, and during labour he was amazing, a real star and I couldn't believe how nice he was. But again, this didn't last. He has a problem with change and that's all that happens when you have a baby! Our dd was so unsettled if be in tears a lot feeling totally useless. Don't have any support other than dp, but all he is interested in is why I haven't cleaned the house! Dd is nearly 6 months and yesterday she cried pretty much all day because she was fighting sleep, she also has eczema so itches like crazy and may or may not be teething. Combination of everything.. Today she has finally slept but I an so exhausted all I want to do is sit down and have a cup of tea!

I do try to keep the house clean, but tbh I've never been the show home type. washing is always done and every room is tidy ish. If I didn't have dd and wasn't working I WOULD have the house spotless all the time.

Now I don't know if I'm just making excuse for myself. Dpsays I'm disorganised and lazy, but he grew up in a clinically clean environment where he want even allowed colouring pens cos they were too messy.

Nice he got the chance to go fishing

He sounds just like my husband was during the pregnancy of DS and after the birth he kept going out and getting drunk and arranged a lads holiday! I caught him seriously flirting with someone when DS was 6 months old and had a real reason to kick him out. Because I had seriously had enough of his behaviour by then I was feeling relieved to end the marriage, but he begged me to take him back and has been the model husband since. Gave up drinking, looks after DS (never did before), never goes out (his choice) - realised what he was losing at last - and is so sad and disgusted at his previous behaviour.

You kind of need him to overstep the mark somewhere so you can temporarily throw him out and show you're happier without him...he needs a shock! I hope you can work things out, but if all else fails write him a letter detailing how you feel - include a few well chosen answers from this thread (as an example of how horrified some other mothers are at his behaviour) and change the locks. Let him beg to come home - that's the least you deserve! Concentrate on you, and enjoy loving your gorgeous little girl for now.

We had a very good chat over the weekend and seem to have crossed a bridge. I wrote him a letter in case we couldn't discuss things properly, but luckily I didn't need to use it. It did help in venting all my grievances, which made me feel more calm when talking to him because the last thing I wanted was another argument while trying to get over the previous ones.

I did let him know I had sought the advice from mumsnet and it seemed to scare him because he knew you wouldn't hold back, and also I think he was ashamed that people knew what he was like! (knowing mumsnet thought he was a wanker scared him!)

Hope he has turned a new leaf, but only time will tell. But thank you all for your help and advice, it has helped me so much, thank you.