Treat em mean, keep em keen - really?? still??

[MrWogansBulge]

So I've noticed with my boyfriend of two months whenever I show how much I like him, he goes cold on me. If I back off and play it cool, his texts suddenly increase, as do the number of kisses on the ends of them.

Sunday was a great example. Normally he'll text me once in the morning - I'll reply and he'll text back a few hours later with something short and pointless.

Sunday morning he text me. I replied. I then went out and left my phone at home. Got back at 4pm and there were two texts - first one was short and pointless as predicted - second one (sent after I failed to reply) was "I'm really missing you right now xxx" (unusual). I couldn't be arsed to reply then either so went and made dinner and sat down to watch a movie. I checked my phone again at 7am and I'd been sent another text "Sat here on my own and now you're not replying to my texts either :( I hope you're ok. Text me when you get chance xxxx"

So I reply.

From then on I go back to replying within the hour as normal and guess what - his texts have decreased again and he's playing it cool again.

WTF?? treat em mean and they love you for it?? why?? why is it so bad and difficult to let someone know you like them if you do? why must people play games?

Is this what I have to do to keep him interested then? act like I couldn't give a shit?

Well, it isn't so much as 'mean' as 'getting on with your own life' - a happy, busy person with their own life is a more desirable prospect.

I think people often want what is more difficult to 'get', that applies to expensive handbags and a partner.

Well..... It's fun if you can be bothered to string them along, useful if you want to make a point, but a bit too much like hard work for a long-term prospect. Then again, you don't have to be a game player to maintain a slight distance and not go the full-on devoted labrador from Day 1.

Treat em mean and keep them keen - that is such a load of old crap honestly and that keeps many people in unhealthy relationships for too long.

Bad boys are just that - bad. And why do they do that - because they can.

Love should not be such hard work honestly. If this is what its like two months in, imagine a year of this nonsense all from him. I'd be giving this one the boot and raise your own relationship bar in the meantime.

You are allowing yourself to be manipulated; he is controlling you.

I don't know if it's me or him. I never know what he's thinking from one day to the next but then, should I?? is it healthy to need to know what a person is thinking 24/7? Should I genuinely not care so much?

I feel like I've fallen head over heels in love with this man and one minute he seems to feel the same way as me, the next minute it seems like he sees it as nothing more than casual dating.

I'm trying to detach. I really am but I feel like my head is all over the place right now.

Agree with attila do people actually believe this crap.If you have to play games its already not working.

Ok but I guess what I'm asking if, who is the 'normal' one here?

2 months in - am I expecting too much? if I'm a danger to his bunny I'm ready to accept that. I've just never done the proper dating thing before (one previous relationship) and I don't know whether I'm coming on too strong or if he's pissing me about.

There's no 'normal'. Everyone's different. However, if you're finding that your approach is a bit full-on and scaring people off, try going a little slower & see if you're more successful. It's not 'treating 'em mean' in the slightest, it's just adjusting your approach.

So this bloke is playing some sort of twisted version of "The Rules"?

Or are you texting a lot?
More than a couple a day and I'd think it tedious, but then I'm 103...

No I don't tend to text him unless he texts me.

could you be arsed?

if you are having to examine this so closely at such an early stage, it ain't working

bin him and move along

I suspect that as you're so willing to accept fault, it's probably not you being too full on but more likely him being a twat.

If you are feeling 'head over heels in love' after a couple of months and he seems to be dancing backwards and forwards, hot and cold, then I think you maybe need to put the brakes on in your own head. You don't really know him yet, after all, so you're not really in love with him, you're more in love with the idea of him. By all means carry on dating him, but if the gameplaying continues, and if he progresses at any point to being nasty, as sometimes happens with manipulative or basically inadequate men, bin and move on.

TBH I would say if it's not all easy and non head-fuckish, it's just not worth it

FWIW, I have been going out with someone for 2 months.

We text when we can or remember to.
His messages are usually lovely, sometimes shorter. Mine too.

Sometimes we text back immediately, sometimes it takes a few hours.

He doesn't text saying he misses me if I don't text for a while. At best, one checking if everything is alright if I haven't said anything by the end of the night. (when I forgot my phone code and had no e-mail)

This feels normal to me.

From what you describe, he likes to keep you keen, but isn't too bothered himself. More likely he likes having your attention.
I'm not sure I'd keep it for long.

He's probably sitting at home trying to work you out.

'Sometimes she texts, sometimes she doesn't, I just can't work it out'

Is he nice? And do you like him?

I agree with bitoutofpractice. It's too much of a headfuck. Why can't he just stop pissing about, if he feels the same way, he should say. I hate men who can't express their feelings.

When I first met my DH we were head over heels very quickly. And he didnt hold back with emotion, not did I. If he had, after me declaring my love to him I would have thought he's not that into me and moved on.

I dated someone once who I quite liked, wanted to see them a lot (I am a full on person). He was quite distant, I gave up after 2 months, just forgot all about him. Next thing you know, within a week he's bloody chasing me down. Really can't be arsed with guys like that, didn't respond to any of his calls/numerous messages.