when a marriage/relationship ends and you dont know who you are?

[cheesestrung]

My divorce came through in April (separated 3 yrs now) and i have just split with partner who became emotionally abusive (met 2 yrs after separation). I feel like a failure and wonder where am i going wrong? i seem to attract controlling men. Anyway, once again i am left with no confidence and have lost myself, wondering who the hell i am and where do i go from here. I am absolutely fed up of feeling and looking miserable and feel like i am wasting my life. getting out there and going to the gym etc seems like a big step at the moment. I just want to lie in bed. This just isnt me :-( I have started taking ads and have an appointment for cbt. I feel like i have obsessional thoughts and am constantly on edge and things seem very serious, like i cant "lighten up"...
i am angry with ex, as i supported him and he put me through hell, threatened suicide etc and now i have ended it, i feel i invested all that time in someone for what? for him to go and meet someone else...

You do sound depressed so the ADs and CBT appointment are absolutely the right way forward. If you still don't feel 'yourself' as it were then keep talking to your GP and other professionals because minds are complex things and sometimes you need more help than others.

You don't need me to tell you that you're not a failure. Unlucky, certainly, but there are plenty of nasty people in the world and, if they'd only start wearing t-shirts or something with 'I look OK but I'm actually an evil git' written on them, maybe we could avoid them more effectively. :)

If anyone finds you attractive chances are it's because you're normally an open, WYSIWYG, generous, upbeat type of person that sees the best in others and is willing to overlook little faults. (Big guess there) Decent men would look at you and think 'what a lovely personality, how lucky I am'. Evil gits see the same qualities as something to be exploited. Should you change your lovely personality?... not at all. NOT YOUR FAULT

It's hard work starting over when you've had a bad knock and it takes energy. If you need a bit of time out to regroup, gather your strength, find some calm, engage with your duvet etc. take it. Hope you feel better soon.