Stupid situation. Would you be comfortable with this?

[carlywurly]

DP has today texted one of my work colleagues to try and arrange drinks at the weekend. His thinking is that he's trying to set her up with a (lovely) colleague of his, and he seems to be getting carried away with the romance of the idea. He also texted her a couple of weeks ago about post-work drinks, and at the time I asked him if he could just leave me to make arrangements with her directly, as I thought she might think it a bit odd that he was contacting her, rather than me just speaking to her in the office.

He's met her a few times before, through me, at after work drinking sessions, and they got on well. I know he finds her attractive and that if he'd been single, would have definitely been interested himself (he's told me, we're quite open about these things!). He's sold her on his mate, and I do genuinely think he's trying to play Cilla, but my colleague is still vulnerable from a nasty break up, and I'm not sure she's ready to date, nor whether I want to be involved in the whole set up either.

For background - XH was a cheating toad, and although DP has never done anything to make me doubt him, and I've no issue with the many female friends he has, I just don't like this at all and feel he's infringing on my work life. I'm mainly cross that he's ignored my request to leave contact to me, and doesn't get why I'm upset about it at all. As far as he's concerned, he's doing a lovely thing for two friends of ours and I am BU. Deep sigh..

I can see why you would be pissed off about this. His enthusiasm seems a bit ott.

Does he not always put your feelings into consideration in small/big issues within your relationship??
Does he actually realize how uncomfortable/upsetting this is to you ?
Or maybe he just got carried away with this??

But I think it's a huge positive that you do communicate so you can always revisit the issue and talk it through with him, emphasizing how vulnerableyou feel your friend is right now and the work situation and how you feel it's best that you rather than him play cupid would be more appreciate?

It sounds odd that he won't lave the arrangements to you, or even just ask his own colleague if he could pass his number on to your colleague and leave them to make their own arrangements.

Is your dh by any chance planning to have get-togethers as a foursome rather than arranging the two colleagues to meet up without him being there?

He's being pretty darn insensitive, and I don't blame you for feeling like you do.

I'd be feeling insecure and really miffed if my partner did this!

Maybe hint to him that he's being pushy and he should concentrate on his own relationship!

*appropriate

Tell him that she thinks he's a bunny boiler - that should put him off! I'd not like this one little bit

Thank you, dryjuice, glad you don't think I'm being neurotic

Coppertop, I think tbh he likes the idea of us all going out together at weekends, and getting a bigger group going. And I do too, but not in a forced way.

He's made a point of deleting her number now, but clearly is baffled about why I'm bothered about it, and I'm finding it hard to make him get it. He regularly goes out for coffee with female friends, and I've never been remotely bothered, so I think he's just confused.

I wonder if I'm projecting a bit because of XH. I just feel uncomfortable because a) she's a work colleague foremost, not a close friend and b) I think the 1% of me that will never fully trust anyone again, is niggled a bit because I know he finds her attractive.

I would not be ok with this at all. He is overstepping your boundaries with your work situation. Quite apart from anything else, he is forcing a mix of social and work situation which could be uncomfortable for you with your colleagues. In addition to this, there is probably a small part of him that wants to be the good guy to this woman, a vanity project of his own. I doubt whether he is engineering anything more sinister than that with regard to her specifically but I would be very concerned about him possibly trying to worm his way in with your work colleagues overstepping your boundaries.

I think at best it's a vanity project. At worst, he is showing far too much interest in your colleague's personal circumstances.

I'd be annoyed and suspicious about his motives.

Vanity project? That makes sense. His colleague is also a senior manager at his place. The whole thing has uncomfortable written over it.
He has such a blind spot for these things though. Going to call him now to try and discuss.

I would find this very odd. How did he even have her number to text him herself? I rarely have the numbers of partners of my work friends.

Tribpot, there was a legitimate reason fpr the tel no's being exchanged but I can't remember why now. I was there at the time - something through dps work, maybe.

I am so mad with him after trying to talk it through. He is wonderful in very many ways but can be a stubborn git when it comes to this kind of thing. As far as he's concerned, he's acted out of good intentions so it's me over reacting. I can't get him to see my point but he's tired and so am I so it may be best left for tomorrow now.

'he's acted out of good intentions'

The road to hell is paved with good intentions :)

Seriously you don't like it so that should be enough reason for him to stop.

I agree, he may well have acted out of good intentions. That doesn't make your response an overreaction. Nobody has to be in the 'wrong' here, he's done something with good intentions, it makes you uncomfortable and could be misconstrued by the recipient, so it'd be good if that could be considered sensibly. You'e not accusing him of wrongdoing.

I do appreciate all your replies. It's great to be able to chat things through on here.

Tribpot, you've totally nailed it - he's done nothing wrong, nor do I think he'd intend to. I'm not particularly paranoid or insecure as a rule, but the whole scenario just doesn't sit right with me, for various professional and personal reasons.

That should be enough for him to knock it on the head, or he'll need to find someone a lot more laidback than me.

Has the makings of an even more awkward situation at work, for either or both of you, if they don't hit it off or one of them hurts the other.

Your instincts seem sound to me OP