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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A thank you to you all

4 replies

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 16/09/2012 22:37

I have been a serial lurker but have found you all inspiring when the days have felt so dark. Much Longer story short, dp been working away for 2 years, for the last 18 months when he comes home more times than not he has given me the silent treatment, or has talked but f I hugged him, would purse his lips and ignore me. I realise looking back how shit he made me feel, made me feel t was all my fault etc etc and i turned to comfort eating and have been very depressed.

At the same time, he has had very worrying symptoms the docs cant get to the bottom of. I know I have let this be an excuse.

I have a stressful senior management position, and he gives me no support. I have had 4 bereavements in 12 months and I am still struggling to speak about the last one. We have no DC but he has 2 boys. They live with their mum.

Last straw came on a night out and I told him I was sick of being treated badly, as far as I was concerned he didn't love me because you don't treat someone you love like that.

I nearly fell off my chair with his response and acknowledgement of his bastarditis. We have been to relate and he actually talked, said I had done nothing wrong and talked about his issues and has made a huge effort. Good eh?

There are alcohol issues amongst this. We have agreed that for 2 hours every Sunday eve we would go out and just be a couple. He must have had a shed full Tonight while I was sorting the horses / in the shower cos after 2 beers he's wobbling on his feet and thinks my boobs are for grabbing randomly.

Got home and he fell asleep face first on the carpet. Where he still is.

So he's either a shit or nice but pissed. You know what, I don't want either. I deserve more. It's his birthday next weekend so well see how it goes but i can't see he gives me any choice but to make plans to leave.

OP posts:
FlatCapAndAWhippet · 16/09/2012 22:48

You said it, you deserve more.

Markingthehours · 17/09/2012 00:38

Stay strong OP - life's too short to volantarily put up with a partner who treats you badly and makes you miserable.

You definitely do deserve better.

izzyizin · 17/09/2012 00:45

If he is you 'dp' as in you have the good sense fortune not to have married him, and as you have no dc, it should relatively quick and easy for you to ditch him disentangle whatever financial affairs you may have in common.

However, regardless of what resolution you reach with regard to your not very 'd' p, I would suggest you seek bereavement counselling or post on this site's Bereavement board as internalising your grief may cause you to deveop ptsd in the not too distant future - the first sign of that happening may be the feeling that you've been sandbagged from behind.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 17/09/2012 06:19

Thank you, that's good advice re bereavement counselling, I suspect I haven't been stronger is that I have been coping with loss.

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