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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So why did I? And is there anything I can do now?

10 replies

WhyDidIdoThatExactly · 16/09/2012 19:36

Fuckit.

In April 2011 I met man-of-dreams and started going out with him seriously. It was great, we got on, laughed a lot, had some heavy moments (he was having a work stress thing) but it was on the whole lovely.

Due to his work stress thing and a few rows (I think evolving from me not really understanding the full extent of how stressed he was and being a bit scared of how much I had fallen for him) I ended it with him. Regretted it immediately, tried to talk but he pushed me away, that was that.

Didn't see him around or have any contact for a month or so, then on a girls night out ran into a mate of his and got talking. Turns out that my ex had led his mate (and others) to believe we were still an item. Me and the mate chatted a bit and then left it at that. A week or so later I ran into the mate again and we went for a drink together. He told me that he had asked my ex about me and my ex had said he didn't want anything more to do with me ever and that he had been using me for sex. Feeling hurt and vulnerable, you all know what I did next. Slept with the mate. Twice. Hating myself both times. And yes, I did it so it would get back to my ex. Though the mate asked me to promise never to tell my ex what we had done. I didn't continue with the mate and until beg of September have kept out of the social circle where I would meet any of them. A few weeks ago, at a family party, my ex was there and we managed to have a civil conversation. He told me he had forgiven me and didn't bear me any bitterness. Seeing him again brought back the feelings I had and I would love to try and talk to him to see if there may be any chance at all. Haven't seen his mate in more than 8 mths.

Feel crap really. And like at 34 I should be past this sort of thing.

OP posts:
IKnowItsMyFaultBut · 16/09/2012 19:38

I'm 32 and did something very simlar last weekend. You messed up. It happens. We're human.

MmmPercyPigs · 16/09/2012 19:41

Hmmmmm - be careful. What would happen if you managed to start seeing him again and then he found out?

WhyDidIdoThatExactly · 16/09/2012 19:41

Can I ask what you are going to do? Do you have a thread?

OP posts:
onebigwish · 16/09/2012 19:42

He'd forgiven you for what?

WhyDidIdoThatExactly · 16/09/2012 19:43

Percy- I kind of presumed him telling me he forgave me was because he had found out but tbh, I don't know that he does know.

OP posts:
IKnowItsMyFaultBut · 16/09/2012 19:46

Cut the ex out of my life. The gordions knot solution.

JustFabulous · 16/09/2012 19:48

Since you weren't with him when you shagged his mate he has nothing to forgive you for Hmm and I am sure that isn't what he is forgiving you for anyway.

Leverette · 16/09/2012 19:49

This reply has been deleted

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izzyizin · 16/09/2012 20:03

You're best off without either of these juveniles men in your life.

A man who tells his mate he was only using a woman he led to believe was in a serious relationship with him for sex? A mate who repeats this hurtful piece of information to the woman in question?

Your guardian angel is to be praised for ensuring your narrow escape from a self-absorbed twat who was far too up his own arse preoccupied with his 'stress' to be long-term relationship material, and s/he deserves extra hallelujahs for your deliverance from his insensitive mate.

Onwards and upwards. Manwise, it's time for you to look forward rather than back.

WhyDidIdoThatExactly · 16/09/2012 20:07

Smile That actually made me smile for the first time in ages izzy.

I think deep down, that my ex wasn't using me for sex to be honest, nor do I think he said that. I think, looking back with more clarity it was his mate wanting a quickie (dear god, even I sound about 17 now!) and knowing the best way to get it was make me feel shit over the ex.

OP posts:
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