Fuckit.
In April 2011 I met man-of-dreams and started going out with him seriously. It was great, we got on, laughed a lot, had some heavy moments (he was having a work stress thing) but it was on the whole lovely.
Due to his work stress thing and a few rows (I think evolving from me not really understanding the full extent of how stressed he was and being a bit scared of how much I had fallen for him) I ended it with him. Regretted it immediately, tried to talk but he pushed me away, that was that.
Didn't see him around or have any contact for a month or so, then on a girls night out ran into a mate of his and got talking. Turns out that my ex had led his mate (and others) to believe we were still an item. Me and the mate chatted a bit and then left it at that. A week or so later I ran into the mate again and we went for a drink together. He told me that he had asked my ex about me and my ex had said he didn't want anything more to do with me ever and that he had been using me for sex. Feeling hurt and vulnerable, you all know what I did next. Slept with the mate. Twice. Hating myself both times. And yes, I did it so it would get back to my ex. Though the mate asked me to promise never to tell my ex what we had done. I didn't continue with the mate and until beg of September have kept out of the social circle where I would meet any of them. A few weeks ago, at a family party, my ex was there and we managed to have a civil conversation. He told me he had forgiven me and didn't bear me any bitterness. Seeing him again brought back the feelings I had and I would love to try and talk to him to see if there may be any chance at all. Haven't seen his mate in more than 8 mths.
Feel crap really. And like at 34 I should be past this sort of thing.