18 mo ds fell down stairs whilst narc mum was looking after him. How to handle?

[sh77]

I gave ds to my narc/toxic mother to look after him whilst I had a shower. He was crying when I came out. She told me he fell down "5" stairs. She was actually reading her interiors magazine. She found it funny and said we all did it as kids. I asked her where she was an she she said she left him for 1 second
. The other day, she left him near the stairs and told him to go to me as she was doing something. I saw him and picked him up.

As background, she is a very toxic person an i cannot stand her because of the abuse. However, she adores ds. It is very weird seeing how loving she can be. I haven't said anything to her about the incident as she will fly into an almighty rage. She threw a screaming fit infront of ds before. I don't ever want him to witness it again. I don't live with her but only visit every 8 weeks. I am seething inside. Should i just let it go?

If she found that funny I wouldnt let her look after him again. Accidents happen but I wouldn't led her look after my boys with this attitude.

Yes, this was my first thought. I suppose she was trying to make it into a non-issue.

I don't think she was trying to make it a non issue. I think for her it IS a non issue. Big difference!

I didn't think of it that way but you are probably right. She can scream the worst abuse imaginable and the next minute behave normal.

sh77,

Is there really no-one else who can mind your child?. She cannot even look after him whilst you are in the shower.

She adores your child likely because he is one of her sources of narcissistic supply. When he is older she will lose all interest in him. To her its a non issue what happens to your son. She is the only one who is important here.

To my mind anyway, it is not possible to have any sort of relationship with a narcissist. Do you have to see her at all?. I would certainly limit all contact as of now for your sake as well as your son's. You visit this woman every 8 weeks, why?. You actually owe her nothing although FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) is probably very present within you.

BTW you mention your own siblings, do any of them have anything to do with their mother these days?.

Would suggest you read the website entitled Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers if you have not already done so.

It's painful to watch a narcissist "interact" with their grandchild.

Mostly because there's not much interaction.

And what little there is is so brief and shallow that it hardly rates as a true encounter. More like a hit and run.

Not only do you feel bad that your poor kid doesn't have a real grandparent and is missing out on such a special relationship, you can't help but be reminded that's exactly what you had to deal with for most of your life.

It's like getting to watch reruns of a TV show you always hated