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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best way to split up?

11 replies

StandingHere · 16/09/2012 16:21

I'm in the process of trying to disentangle myself from a very stressful relationship (with an 'emotionally unavailable man' - the Baggage Reclaim site has been my salvation these last couple of weeks!) with a bloke who I have finally come to realise is never going to commit to me.

The trouble is he owes me money (yes, I know...I have beaten myself up enough about this already, go easy on me!!) and I need to try and keep things amicable while I try to extract as much of it as possible from him. I'd like to just tell him to leave me alone and cut all contact but think this is just letting him get away with it - it's not loads, a few hundred pounds, but recently a couple of things at home have gone wrong and I need it. He should be getting it soon (it was a deposit for a flat which he has now moved out of but he hasn't paid the last month's rent yet so could get it but is being crap and useless) but knowing him will probably string it out and use it as an excuse to keep in touch with me.

I have been on holiday and came back to texts asking how I was and saying he missed me, so I replied and said he needed to sort out the money as I needed it and he just texted back asking about what I was up to, completely ignoring what I said about the money. I'm completely torn between wanting to just give up and get away, and thinking well actually he shouldn't get away with it. What to do??

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 16/09/2012 17:24

It seems unlikely you will see your cash again OP, but your best bet would be to borrow something very expensive from this person, and then when he asks for it back say you had to leave it somewhere. Then play him at his own game - ignore requests etc, until he gives you what he owes you. But the most important thing is to detach and protect yourself from further hurt. Good luck x

Mum2Fergus · 16/09/2012 17:51

Walk away with your dignity and sanity intact...Id forget the money, it'll just to a thread to dangle you from.

StandingHere · 16/09/2012 18:34

I know, you are right and that's my instinct too - but dignity won't fix my washing machine or leaky window! Wink

OP posts:
dequoisagitil · 16/09/2012 18:35

Small claims court?

dequoisagitil · 16/09/2012 18:40

Oh no, I don't suppose you've any proof it was a loan.

In which case, he'll just use your interest in getting the money back as a wedge to keep the door open.

You won't see it again, write it off.

amillionyears · 16/09/2012 18:41

What sort of man is he?
If you said you were going to the small claims court,what would he likely do?

amillionyears · 16/09/2012 18:42

x post

IslaValargeone · 16/09/2012 18:44

Could you tell him that you have some kind of financial emergency and really need the cash now? Then you can bin him.
If he doesn't cough up straight away, you'll know you will never get it back, so just bin him then too.

GentleLentilWeaver · 16/09/2012 19:07

There is something on the Baggage Reclaim site somewhere about this, when they owe you money. she pretty much tells you to write it off as a loss, not as huge as the emotional loss you would have sustained had you remained in contact with them, and walk away.
I'll see if I can find it.

StandingHere · 16/09/2012 20:40

Yeah, think I need to just cut the contact and if he wants to do the decent thing and give me the money then he will...I've not been able to 'make' him do anything he didn't want to since the day I met him so I guess I just need to cut my losses. Grr.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 16/09/2012 20:52

If I were you, I'd text back all bright and breezy saying that what I'm up is trying to get my w/machine sorted and has he got any cash he can lend me for repairs/replacement otherwise I won't be playing out for a long time as I'll have no clean clothes to wear.

Keep him at arm's length till you get your money out of him and then cut contact forever ditch him.

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