Keeping separated husband out of home

[Joy5]

Does anyone have any experience of keeping my soon to be ex husband out of our family home?

He was supposed to be seeing our 18 year old son this afternoon, after he'd dropped our youngest son home from football. The 18 year old suffers from depression and often has trouble sleeping, he didn't go to bed last night at all, and fell asleep on the sofa at lunch time. When my youngest son came home from football, we both tried to wake the 18 year old, but failed he was so asleep. My husband stays in the car, because of his anger towards me on his previous visits, i told him to wait in the car which he did today.

I then started getting texts this afternon saying my husband was coming back for our son, an he would come into the house to wake him. Can he do this?

This follows Thursday night when i was out with friends, and got texts between 10.00 and 10.30 telling me i had to go home as he wanted to see me. I ignored the texts, and didn't go home until 11.30. A neighbour the next morning told me my husband had been parked outside the night before. I'm just so glad he went before i got home.

But i find it really intimidating my husband can threaten to come into our home, just to have a go at me. Is there anything i can do to stop it.

Does your stbxh have keys to your home? If so, bolt the entry door(s) and call the police if he attempts to intimidate you or becomes threatening .

If you should need to involve the police, show the texts you've received, tell them about the incident on Thursday night, explain that you felt scared of going home and being confronted by him to the extent that you delayed your return, and invite them to seek corroboration from your neighbour that he was parked outside your home for several hours.

Yes, talk to the local police. He has no right to intimidate and threaten you like this. WRT the house, has there been any legal settlement yet as to whether you will be staying there or whether the house is to be sold? You may be able to change the locks and bar this man's entry, and call the police if he becomes aggressive. Also, if there is any past record of his violence towards you, if you don't already have an occupation order/non-molestation order, you need to see a solictor and get one in place. The law is on your side as far as keeping an abusive man away from you goes.

Also, his DS, at 18, can simply refuse to see him. An 18 year old is an adult, legally, and not subject to contact orders.

Unfortunately although he has been violent in the past towards, theres no evidence now, and the 18 year does want to see him, he was just so fast asleep after being awake for more than 24 hours.

Nothing sorted out legally about the finances yet, was going to mediation but due to his lies and how he behaved towards me, i've refused to go again.

Don't think him being parked outside my home on Thursday night would be seen as wrong, but i have got the texts.

Really don't want to involve the police, don't think it would help my 2 youngest sons at all.

Not sure what to tell you then, involving the Police at this point is really the only sensible thing to do imo. There's not much more anyone can say really.

Why didn't you just wake the 18 year old up? A good shake or cold water on the face would have done it. He arranged to meet his dad, I think you should have been a bit more proactive in giving him a hard poke. Turning night into day doesn't help depression as your body gets more screwed up.

The 18 year old is an adult, he's responsible for himself, so dad should deal with him directly.

In any case, if he is threatening report to the police.

The dad tried to deal with the 18 year old directly but he was asleep and the OP wouldn't wake him.
I can imagine a woman writing would get sympathy if her 18 year old lived with her ex and she'd agreed to meet him but her ex wouldn't wake him up and wouldn't let her in the house to wake him.
Yes he's 18 but if you arrange to meet someone then you meet them. my son would have had cold water in the face or pushed off the sofa if he didn't wake easily and someone he had arranged to meet was at the door.

The best way forward is probably to tell your DS that he must sort out contact between himself and his father, you are not going to get involved. And then email XH, let him know that this is going to be the case from now on and that he will be hearing from your solicitor regarding the house, etc and do not want any contact with him except via email.

If he persists in stalking and harassing you then report him to the police. You don't have to have any contact with him at all that you don't want - and you can change the locks if he still has a key (basically he may still have a legal right to enter the house but he would have to take you to court to get a set of keys from you and by the time that's gone through you would have the paperwork in place to keep him out anyway).

My problem isn't that my 18 year old was asleep, its that my husband thinks he can behave like he has.
Problem is now worse in that he turned up at 10.00 Wednesday evening wanting access to my house to see our 18 year old.
I refused but he continued banging on the front door, upsetting both our youngest sons.
With hindsight i should have contacted the police, but i didn't because i didn't want to upset our sons anymore than their father has.
Has any one experience of what i can do legally to keep him away?

Hello Joy.... my STBX is subject to a restraining order, however when that runs out my solicitor will ensure that non-molestation and occupation orders are in place.

A non-molestation order will stop your ex from threatening, intimidating, harassing or pestering you.

An occupation order states who can live and enter the family home and even the surrounding area.

You can apply for both types of order yourself at the family procedings session at either your local magistrates or county court. I think it would be best to get proper legal advice if you wanted to go down this route.

I hope it works out for you.

Sorry but you will have to involve the police and the courts. This man needs putting firmly in his place and this will mean a court order.
Do your sons want to see him? How old are the younger ones? If they are sick of him as well a court may take their wishes into account and allow you as a family to cut all contact with this man (at least, you and the 18-year-old cannot be forced to have contact with him in any way.

Sorry keep putting younger sons, they're aged 14 and 18 and do want to see their Dad. But obviously without the way hes been behaving for the past week.
(My eldest son died but still keep including him).
I've contacted my solicitor today in an email and will be speaking to her tomorrow. I'm on a low income but not not eligible for legal aid due to my tax credits, so can't afford to pay her much for her advice, is there any cost for a non-molestation order or an occupation order does any one know?
I just want to live peacefully and not be frightened by my STBX trying to force his way inside.

Have a word with the local police DV unit or Women's Aid. I am pretty sure it doesn't cost anything to get a court order preventing this man from harassing you - being on a low income doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse.