Does this mean anything

[whyislifeunfair]

Last week Exp was home, it is a very acrimouious split as he left me for another women, after ou eldest DS passed away.We cannot be in the same room with screaming.We has several horrible rows and then i stayed totally out of his way
Last week as he returned to germany to be with her he told my youngest "tell your mum i will always love her" He then sent me a text saying it.s madness but i will never love anyone like i love you, but he is still with her
what do you think he is saying

things aren't going well with OW so he's sniffing around to see if you'll have him back.

Yep, smellslike is right.

He's probably telling the truth, that he loves you and always will but that he's a bit of a spineless wonder and his life is far easier in a bright, shiny new relationship where he hets his ego stroked than if he was to stay and work through the trauma and history with you.

I think you can probably do better

I think it's because of the children, he wants to stay close to them.
Did you text back?

Oh, another bloke works the script.... that's what I think. They always come sniffing back, but whether you want them when they do is another thing entirely. He won't have changed - same man, same problems, same issues.

Sorry to hear about your DS - and that his passing contributed to the break up of your marriage.

But - other people's children die, and they don't all decide to go and get an ego-massage elsewhere by shagging someone else. He may have only done it to feel better about himself, and to get away from the sadness at home - but that still makes him pretty pathetic, IMO.

What do you think you would do about it if he did turn up and tell you he'd made a mistake? Bearing in mind the acrimony, the spinelessness, the cheating etc.?

He wants to give himself the option of coming back. He also can't bear the thought of you moving on: his image of himself is tied up with this idea that no woman could ever get over him.

So sorry about your son

I absolutely agree he is hedging bets as might have had a row or with OW or getting cold feet

If he was serious about wanting you back and really did love you, he'd contact you directly rather than sending texts and messages through your son.

I am very concerned your youngest ds is being used a pawn - how confusing and upsetting for him after all he has been through. Please protect him from this and ask you ex not to send messages through him. It is very damaging.

It's called, having your cake and eating it. Keeping the options open. Wanting a fall-back in case things don't work out. Not coping well with the ego-bruising prospect that you might not like him any more. In short, being a head-fuck....

He has totally confused me, since me finding out his affair, he kept saying we would never get back, it was 25 years of hell. Everytime we see each other its hell, very little chance for normal conversation.
The other week i said its ok for you, you have someone to make you happy and he sad not happy ,happyish
a couple of weeks ago despite them being together 18 months or more he said he cares for her
he never gives me the impression he would like us to get together more that he would prefer me to fall under a train so this has really baffled me, he also said to youngedst DS i really like your mum, she makes me laugh, i just wish she liked me, eehhhh its me who has lost dignity and done all the runnung

Those words were a sop to his conscience, said more for form's sake than an accurate reflection of his feelings.

As soon as they were out of his mouth they were forgotten as he turned his attention to the ow and his new life in Germany with her, which is all thinks about at the moment.

Words are cheap and you're best advised not to place any value on his.

I think you're going to have to take some serious and massive steps to move your own life forward or you'll always be hanging on his words, wondering what he means and if there's any future for you. When you have something and someone new to focus on, he will diminish in importance.

A very cynical view: it may be not really about you at all, more about how he wants the children to perceive him.

A less cynical view: he is taking to heart the advice about not badmouthing the other parent. He wants his children to realise their mother is loveable, even if he is off with someone else. That's quite sweet actually.

An even less cynical view than that: he means it. It almost certainly does not mean he wants to get back together - bed made, bridges burned etc etc - but he does at least have the honesty to admit the grass hasn't turned out greener, and the decency to regret the manner of his leaving. (And so he bloody well should.)