Can any of you help me help DPs friend? Or advise him? Or something?

[Mydogsleepsonthebed]

This is the first thread I've started on here - please be kind I'm very worried.

DPs friend is a lovely lovely man. Soft, kind, funny, generous, just lovely. He has had a girlfriend for about the last 5 or 6 months. She is very controlling he's working full time she's hardly letting him go out or see his friends. She has two kids already that she has moved in with him. He owns his own house and she was pushing him to put her name on the deeds so she's "secure". She hits him (I've seen her) and her rages are something to behold. He came round here late on Friday night in pieces saying that she's pregnant. I know he should have used a condom and he says he did in the beginning and that she said she was on the pill.

Now he's saying he has to stay with her and "do the right thing" for her and the baby but he sees doing the right thing as staying with her and raising the baby with her in a family unit.

I am trying to tell him that he doesn't have to be with her to do the right thing with the baby what he has to do is provide for the baby moneywise and be there and be an involved father but that he doesn't have to be stuck in a bad relationship.

No-one has to be in a shit relationship, but unfortunately I don't think your friend is going to accept that.
He sounds a bit doomed I'm sorry to say.

He should have worn a condom. He shouldn't have let her move in so quickly. I know that. He knows that. I just feel helpless. We sat with him on Friday night and I just feel so so sorry for him - I'm not in the least surprised that she's got pregnant whilst on the pill. I should have seen it coming. I should have guessed.

He doesn't "have to" stay with her, but he sounds like he wants to do the right thing.
Tell him to speak with her...along the lines of "I'm not completely happy that this has happened so early but if we're going to do this then things must change, NO violence, NO raging (she can get help to deal with it) NO controlling"
At least if it doesn't work out long term he has tried.

All you can do MyDog is just be there for him for support and advice. You weren't to know that she would fall pregnant on the pill, how could you? (it sounds rather calculated from how you describe her but it COULD of been an accident, I've fell pregnant on the pill - twice :@) He may be a soft and gentle man but he's a grown adult and capable of seeing the reality of his situation, if he even thought for one minute that she could be trying to trap him then he could of used extra protection, regardless of what she said about being on the pill.
Hope it works out for him.

maybe I've been a bit unfair about the pill then.

The thing is MyDog, you nor he will ever truly find out, she's not likely to admit trapping him by lying about contraception.(personally my failings on the pill are down to medical reasons related to "focal migraines" the combined pill doesn't work how it should but it wasn't picked up until after my second DS) It does sound very suspect though, especially her wanting to be "secure" after only a few months.
I have been with my DP for over 3 years, he is part of a wealthy family. I live in HIS house and I have never once asked/expected to add my name to anything (obviously different if WE buy a home together etc...) I've also stated that he draws up some kind of legal papers that I'll happily sign before marrying him stating I want nothing from his family if we divorce, other than what I've put into our family myself/together and financial support for any future DC.

Dondon - that's true.

He's not wealthy but he has a nice house with a mortgage though he's in a managerial type job.

I just feel so so sad for him that he feels that he has to be stuck in what he knows is a crap relationship because of a child.

He's getting something out of having started and maintained relationship with this woman in the first place, though. Is he physically unattractive/shy/inexperienced so that he considered himself 'in love' with the first woman who'd suck his cock? Or is he someone who has been bullied in the past and therefore a magnet for other bullies?

Solidgoldbrass - you've hit the nail on the head, he's been bullied in the past and is a magnet for users.

Sorry your friend is in this situation. If he was a woman we'd all be recommending that she contact Women's Aid, report the partner for the DV incidents and get them out of their lives as swiftly as possible. When there are children involved, either witnessing the DV or subjected to the aggression themselves, SS take a dim view. Perhaps that's something you can suggest? Try and open his eyes to the bigger picture? Especially if you know he's been here before with previous partners.

It might be worth putting your friend onto ManKind which is the charity set up to support male victims of domestic abuse. They may be able to help him build up his self-esteem and/or leave the relationship. If this woman is very abusive then he might even want to try for custody of the baby when/if it is born. How pregnant is the girlfriend? Does she want to keep the baby?